So the W comes back from California today after being out there for a week visiting her family. She sent me a text on New Year's day wishing me a happy New Year and letting me know where she put our D's medicine at on her patio. She forgot to pack it in the D's suitcase. She apologized and I told her no worries. Other than that I have not heard from her all week.
Her Mom, brother and step-sister live in Cali and she was staying with her brother who just recently got married. It will be interesting if she had any contact with her mom and step-dad whom she has not spoken to in a few years. I outlined what happened in a previous post a few months back.
When we were dating she broke up with me twice and it happened after she returned from visiting her family. I always felt like it was a cult and she would go home, drink the kool-aid, come back, break up with me then wake up from the trance and we would get back together. The first time was for about a month and the last time was for roughly 6 months. I always sort of felt like her family had some mental control on her and despite her desires to live a normal life she could never escape the pull of her parents. I will spare you all the details but they are far from normal people. Nothing wrong with it but normalcy was something my W has always wanted and a family since she never has had it with her own. Which is why she married me, I represented the polar opposite of her family. Came from a stable home, solid career, traditional family values, etc. I guess in the end our differences have caught up to us and that is what she no longer values. It kind of makes sense when I think about it, we had kids, she knows I am an excellent father, provide safety and security for our D's and now it is her time to scratch that itch which had always been there for her. Someone similiar in their thoughts and beliefs and more in-line to how she was raised. Sometimes I think she tried her best to overcome how she was raised but in the end despite her best efforts she couldn't overcome.
I have come to a certain peace over the holidays. I feel really good about who I am and where I am in life. I am much more aware of my personal challenges in life and realize moving forward these areas are something I will have to constantly be working on.
I know what my NUTS are and heading into the New Year my goals are to lose 15 more pounds and get down to around 220. I also need to get my career back on track as with all that has been going on personally my work has suffered. I have known my boss for 18 years, he was at our wedding, so he has given me all the flexibility in the world to work through this process. With that said I have been stagnent in my career for about the last 2 years. So when I get back from vacation my goal it to get my focus back at work, be more engaged, more pro-active and start to work towards the next promotion.
Each day I keep moving forward, the sleepless nights are gone, contact with the W is still very minimal, 99% of the time still initiated by her. When she does initiate contact I am a little more engaging in my conversation with her, we might joke around about something but the communication is never about us. I do feel a certain level of peace. I am not mentally exhausted by it all, I am not tired of being in limbo, I don't feel that it has sucked the life out of me yet. I am stronger than I ever realized as I was. For me that is growth.
