Just reading this list, I don't no any man that doesn't fall into any of these categories. My own parents have been happily married for 38 years. And I can see my own father in some of the things listed. From what I can tell our WS have unrealistic expectations. Don't get me wrong, I can see how some of these can be serious issues. But a lot of these WS leave their H for the reasons listed to end up with OM who are far worse. So why do these WS have this love and respect for OM?
I held off on posting for a few days because this was my reaction exactly. I think this serves well as some things for husbands to be aware of and strive for. Saying these are reasons why WW's lose respect for H's doesn't quite fit for me.
I'd say they are excuses for why a WW loses respect for her H. Each partner is going to have pain in their heart because reality doesn't live up to their inner desires, their fantasy, and their expectations. Being married is a full time job of grieving for the loss of what you wished was possible in this lifetime, and instead focusing on appreciation for what you have. It is about focusing on what you can do to be the best spouse to your partner you can be. And it is about forgiving their shortcomings.
If you do this daily, day after day, letting go of resentment, forgiving, appreciating, and serving your spouse, right around the time that you give up on the idea your spouse could ever meet any of your needs they do something that surprises you. Something that makes you realize how deeply they care. Something that blows you away. Something that makes you remember why you got married and why marriage is worth it.
So when a WW loses respect for her H, to me that is on the WW, not on the H. She failed to do her part of forgiving, letting go of her expectations, finding her own happiness in the appreciation for what she has. This is not a failing of the H for failing to live up to standards that no man can meet. I'd say the same things regarding the selfish choices of walk away husbands. Expectations have gone through the roof and the result hasn't been that marriages have become better, it has been the revolving door of broken homes that come from people looking for the greener grass.
As for why they turn to other people, it isn't about quality. It is about fantasy and pleasure. When a WW abandons a marriage they are down. They have just decided to 'break the rules' by breaking their vows. So they find themselves outside of their faith and depressed, so they figure it's time to do whatever they think will bring them their happiness. Since they've always followed the rules before and they are breaking them now, it makes sense why they choose to do many things that are out of their normal character. OMs 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5. Drugs and alcohol. Partying. Spending. Whatever they can do to change how they feel. Same with the MLC or WAHs. But no, quality in an affair partner is not on their list, they are in straight up pleasure seeking mode.
Again, I do think this list is valuable for men that are married. As long as you have a committed partner these are noble qualities to strive for, and this is where our focus should be as men (as opposed to harboring resentment for how our wives fall short on their lists). They are good things to consider when identifying 180s for those standing by their M during a family crisis. But unfortunately for most women these qualities have evolved from ideals to expectations to deal breakers.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15