Fighting my way out of the dark - Part 8

[Holding]

Time for a new thread.

Link to old thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2769772&page=1

[Holding]

The holidays and my sitch have kept me away from the boards.

I've been dealing with legal issues and STBXW's impending move. Then mediation is coming up. I don't know that I have much to add to things.

On the issue of my kids getting STBXW a Christmas present, S15 informed me BIL bought something for her "from them", so that resolved itself. I gave her a small something. She took the kids shopping and they bought something for me. Christmas morning was fairly pleasant until she went into the entertainment cabinet and started sorting through DVDs she wanted to take to her apartment. I just don't understand why she had to do that on Christmas morning.

Oh, STBXW was shredding old financial papers and I asked her to stop since I wasn't comfortable with what she was doing. When I attempted to look at the papers she was shredding, she grabbed them from me and threatened to call the police. So there's that.

Maybe I can think of some more updates to post tomorrow.

[LH19]

Christmas morning was fairly pleasant until she went into the entertainment cabinet and started sorting through DVDs she wanted to take to her apartment. I just don't understand why she had to do that on Christmas morning.

H,

Why on earth would you let that bother you? I know you think I am tough on you but I get frustrated when reading your posts. I am concerned you are not moving forward at all. Like your purpose in life is desperately hoping your W some how snaps out of this and then you go back to be in a cr@ppy marriage.

You came to the boards the same time as Maika and J9 and IMO they are miles ahead of you in the process. Other then a divorce care group what kind of self help are you doing? Are you exercising, reading, taking any classes, new hobbies?

Stop acting like a victim and roll up your sleeves and start doing some hard work to ensure that this never happens to you again in the future. Also, learn to understand the difference between standing up to your W and antagonizing her. Like it or not she is going to be apart of your life for the foreseen future.

Now what goals is H setting for 2018?

[Holding]

LH, I think you misunderstand why I was upset. I am not expecting my STBXW to snap out of this. I was upset because she felt the need to start packing up stuff on Christmas morning for her move, RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE KIDS. I thought it was inconsiderate of her, like she couldn't let them have a peaceful Christmas morning without injecting the D into it. I was upset by her selfishness.

I do not believe Maika and J9 have had to go through in-house separation like I have. Call me a victim, but I think my sitch has been especially painful.

I've been seeing my IC on a bi-weekly or weekly basis since the beginning of may. I've read plenty of books. I've been skydiving twice. I've been exercising, attending a NGS meetup group, and working on myself. I have put in the work. I know I have more to do. Have you read my sitch from the beginning?

Right now I'm in a tunnel, and at the other end is my life after D. Getting out this tunnel is my goal at this point.

Also, learn to understand the difference between standing up to your W and antagonizing her. Like it or not she is going to be apart of your life for the foreseen future.

This is a fair point. This is on my list of things to work on.

I appreciate your feedback LH, even though I think you often misread me.

[Morbo]

It is really inconsiderate of her especially on Christmas but thats the lives we lead now. Threatening to call the cops too? YIkes.. I feel for you man.

LH is right mostly, he's kicked my a** a couple times.

I'm "lucky" that my wife wont look or talk to me at all these days. Ever since I brought HER affair to my family's attention I'M the complete piece of crap, lol and she HATES me.
Anyway, beats listening to her lies.

This will get better, we all have off days when we backslide.
Dont beat yourself up, get out there and GAL. Exercise.
Maybe start setting goals for the new year.

Best of luck

[Jim1234]

Just my $.02, but those documents she was shredding could have been valuable to you in your divorce. Threatening to call the cops yourself might have been your best move.

[Holding]

Thanks, Morbo. I need to catch up on your sitch.

Jim, that's exactly what I was concerned about, that she was shredding important documents.

So over the weekend, STBXW moved out. I know I waffled back on forth about whether I should be present - I decided it would be smoother for everyone if I wasn't. I was out of town with my sons during the move, as she requested. Upon coming home, things are pretty much as she said they would be. It looks like she even vacuumed before she left (and took the vacuum with her).

I'm not sure how I was expecting to feel about it, but I honestly don't feel much.

[TBSakaJ9]

H....after my W moved out she came back a week later and hung a bunch of pictures on the wall for me and cleaned the kitchen. IMO it was done out of guilt on her part.

This should be an important step in your healing process since you will truly get the time and space you need.

Hopefully you can breathe a little bit! Hang in there!

[doodler]

I'm not sure how I was expecting to feel about it, but I honestly don't feel much.

Holding,

When my wife moved out, I expected to feel sad and lonely. To my surprise, it was very nice to not have to tiptoe through the eggshells all of the time. And, as a bonus, I was actually able to get a lot of stuff done. It was an awakening for me.

I hope your separation treats you well.

[Maika]

Yup yup! I agree with J and Doodler on this. The separation will give you space and breathing room. Once you get the hang of it, start using your time well and put the focus on yourself full throttle.