V is right. She may never change. But the way you handle it can and will with practice. Then the change happens. That is detachment. You will learn to see things clearlt and deal with it. You will avoid her roller coaster. That is the change to clarify.
All doable. But hard. Stay focussed.
Surfer.
Last edited by Cadet; 01/04/1809:55 AM. Reason: Start a new thread message
M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids Issues2009 Wpartying w/g.f's2013on EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR ImeetAP/EAhalts VariousBDDates MFCourse WSpew EAresumes I halt Wrages DBIng4/2016
Wow, very interesting post by Vanilla, my XW was not at all abusive and I count myself lucky indeed after reading that!
Morbo, once you hit 100 posts (or 10 pages) you need to start a new thread. At the top of the first post in the new thread, post the link to this thread, it is as follows:
BTW. Don’t get too bogged down with all this. Read it, get it and keep it upstairs in your mind. Don’t become too clinically obsessed with what is right and wrong. Just try and understand what might work and stick to it. Hence the simple and advice often helps at first. Just stay focussed on NC and giving less of a sh!t about the bile. Stay away from the fights etc.
Do not get bogged down. This will help to stress you and you don’t need that.
I found mindfulness helped. Lots of free apps. Also GAL an exercise. Yes, blow Of some steam with a few beers and talk to friends but stay over with them rather than going home less able to stay out of he fight.
IMHO exercise is your best friend right now.
Keep it up dude. I really admire what you are doing because I have done it and so have many, many others here and you will be fine. But you must stay hard focussed on your goals. And I don’t mean you need to be very prescriptive. Some need long lists. Personally, I needed to NC and stay out of any fights. Get to bed early; sleep well and exercise as much as you can.
You have incredibly switched on people here. Sandi in particular will tell you how the WW works. She is like a wizard - how does he know, because she was one! I don’t ever read anything but ‘adores’ for that lady. And V is a clinical thinker. Amazingly intelligent and a didactically talented person. She sees what she has expereinced from he abused party’s perspective. That lady is smart.
Me; I can only tell you what I know happened and how I reacted to very similar situations. What worked and didn’t.
You’ll be fine ultimately. However, do not underestimate the resolve you need and focus on some simple goals for now. Superyou, superdad and NC - certainly no acceptance tonrollercoaster invites.
Keep that chin up dude and keep doing what you are. Yes you might get it wrong every now and then. It’s like golf, you might head in the woods but keep hitting back to the pin. Eventullay you will hit the target.
If it gets scary. We will help.
Surfer.
M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids Issues2009 Wpartying w/g.f's2013on EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR ImeetAP/EAhalts VariousBDDates MFCourse WSpew EAresumes I halt Wrages DBIng4/2016
