Her nastiness WILL NOT pass. If this is systemic it will increase. And possibly add more sinister anti social elements as if there aren't enough already.
A WW is different from a disordered one. Wayward is as wayward does and largely it's behaviourally driven. Awful selfish behaviour full of entitlement. This raging and abuse is very different indeed it stems from personality issues not behavioural ones. Personality issues are systemic and show a cancerous soul. There is no chance of a wake up call. These waywards like doing what they are doing, they enjoy humiliating and demeaning, their lies have a purpose to control and destroy. Destroy, reputation, spirit, resources and wellbeing -because it gives them control.
It is a step beyond wayward.
You may want to read Schermann posts.
One in twenty of the sitches (possibly more as the board may attract a higher than average selection of these) are personality issues. I think yours is one of those. These sitches DO NOT turn round. These waywards take years of therapy to develop into half decent partners. If ever.m
It is dangerous and damaging for you and your girls to be involved in this crazy loco.
Five months without ML? Long enough to determine some sexual diseases but not others. Especially Syphilis and Clamidya. Both of which will do you great damage and can be present for years as dormant. Go get tested is my thinking. The former damages the brain especially the frontal lobe and the later your capacity for sperm production if you ever want a second family. The actual process of testing should be confidential and having the tests will be very sobering.
Those of us who have been through this type of abuse can be spellbreakers. That is because there is such a thing as bonding with an abuser. It involves the sweet cycle. Being nice,loving then raging. Each sweet cycle gets sweeter and sourer as the abuser tests your tolerance for abuse. Because there is sweet and sour then there is cognitive dissonance. That means trying to reconcile the irreconcilable, how can there be sweet and sour together? Is it that this is your fault? If you had done X or y instead of z would it be different?
Once you know then you will never unknow. There is no going back.
This stuff usually ends in a grande finale event of nastiness, an attempt to resume control. You can find yourself accused of unspeakable things. For this you will have to be ready with a full history of abuse, without gaps. To show a pattern. Not just patches here and there. Recent stuff.
Keep a diary, recent files emails. Even if recording is not accepted by the court still do it as the police will often arrest at random. You are the sane one here, stay that way. KEEP SAFE AND KEEP YOUR TWO BEAUTIFUL D SAFE.
On the abuse thread the lovely Sotto put a reading list, I would add that you Google High Conflict Institute for tactics like medium chill and BIFF responses. Also consider asking any L you take on about his or her experience in high conflict divorce. Divorcing a high conflict spouse needs very specialist skills.
And cards chest close.
I recently qualified as a Freedom abuse counsellor and although I specialise in women being abused then I have now worked with a couple of L that are great at high conflict D management. This is not easy to resolve and it's much harder if the behaviour of the target (not victim) is working against you or they are not spellbroken.
Abuse is trance inducing, mesmerising, in early phases the target is 'lovebombed' or persuaded they are very loved. Once the abuse starts then it moves in sweet sour cycles, each cycle oscillatinG more and more. The sour being longer and longer. Eventually the target gets weary and withdraws. Then rage starts as the abusers seek more control.
The cycles themselves are conditioning the target to accept abuse. The main hormone involved is oxytocin which is both an alarmer and a sopherite. It's addictive and induces a hypnotic state, even the normal brain biochemistry can alter and with plasticity the brain can change its structure, brain cells can die. Mast cells wither and the whole body biochemistry and physiology can change. Illness can arise and often does with inflammatory and autoimmune illness especially being the norm.
Abusers can kill in subtle ways as well as the more obvious ones.
Extreme self care, and I mean extreme self care is needed for you and your daughters. For a very long time possibly the rest of your life.
Those are my thoughts
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
