I have been lurking here for a while but anxiously awaited my registration so i could post because... i need help, badly
I will try to only post the most important bits otherwise we will end up with a wall of text that may not get me anywhere (besides journaling)
My wife and I have been together for 16 years now, married for 5. We only married because we bought the house together back then to facilitate things though, but that's not the point. After facing an extremely difficult time last year with the sickness of my mother (which we took into our house), the death of my mother 2 months ago, the death of her father 4 months back and most of all the trouble with getting rid of a business, i can say that this was the most stressful, damaging year of our lives.
a couple months back she started talking about how getting married might have been a mistake and how she felt constrained by it in some form. These feelings kept getting stronger and it wasn't long until she was openly discussing divorce. We are now at a point where every 2nd day or so she CLEARY wants to get divorced. The thing is, the day after usually, she is like a different person (almost schizophrenic like) and comes to me in an extremely vulnerable state where she states that Divorce is not what she wants and that she is confused.
Before you ask, yes, she also exhibits all the classical signs of an MLC, she spontaneously grew a new circle of friends that is only for her, she took up gym classes, takes care of her appearance WAY more than before, stays out late until the morning etc. so yes I AM pretty sure she is experiencing an MLC after i have read an extensive amount of literature on the subject. (i also browsed a lot of threads on here so i kind of already know a bit on the main guidelines on how to react as the LBS).
Long story short:
When she just now told me CLEARLY that she no longer wants to be with me, and even started discussing terms of the D, what am i supposed to do now?
I am conflicted between moving out myself (which she already suggested a few times since SHE wants to keep the house)and insisting on staying. I should also mention we have a 4 year old son which of course infinitely complicates the matter. She also wants to keep our son in a D.
The thing is, if i insist on staying i will only put more pressure on her and that is one of the main things i should not do in this situation. Then again, if i agree to move out, which would probably take the pressure of her, would i not be seen by my son as the parent that left him later on in life?
I am so afraid that when i move out it will be definitive and that i am damaging our son in an irreparable way, since i know how it feels when your father is gone all of a sudden (my dad died when i was a kid).
In addition i feel that i am kind of "betraying" the other "side" of her which a couple days ago came to me at night (sleeping in another room after a big Divorce discussion) and told me that she was afraid of destroying everything we have built and that she needed ME to protect us (i assume our family) from herself.
That is the thing, is it really normal for an MLCer to come across as two entirely separate personalities in a matter of 2 days? If so, which one to believe/support?
My head (and heart) is spinning honestly and i don't know what to do anymore
Any and all feedback would be tremendously appreciated!!!
