I was gutted when my husband insisted on divorce too. It was like being BD-ed all over again. And it is. You will pull yourself again.
I agree with Ownit. Being divorced from him is actually healthier if it means your legal status matches his emotional status. It's clearer and will be helpful in your detaching. Plus you've been absolved for any responsibility in this disaster. It's all on his head when your daughter wants to know what happened in years to come. I know it's not any comfort but those are the facts.
My WH is 38. He fits many signs of MLC but I'm not 100% sure, and frankly I don't know if it matters. I read somewhere that if earlier transitions were not made (i.e. as a teenager or as a young adult), then MLC can kick in early and extra hard. My WH matches this profile in that he was a very agreeable teenager, on the surface. I know he had deep issues of loss and fear at this age - he told me when things were good. He was petrified of losing his parents' approval. My MiL used to boast that while all her friends' kids were running amok, WH was the only well behaved nice kid that never gave his parents the slightest grief. Still waters run deep and she was looking to the wrong markers for success because as a human being, someone who lies and cheats and leaves his young family is a much bigger failure compared to someone who was stroppy and angsty as a teenager but pulls it together later. A transition is a test and my WH has never been tested - Mummy and Daddy darling have always been there to cushion the blows. They're even paying his half of the mortgage now so he can continue his playboy lifestyle with Horse-Face. So I would say age doesn't disqualify your WH from being in MLC.
I think the link doesn't say what you can do to facilitate reconciliation because, quite simply, I don't think there is anything. Apart from what you're already having to do, which is pick yourself off the floor after this devastation.
You're not alone and you're not an exception. If others can feel better and recover, so can we.
