AS: To be honest, I haven't much time left in this marriage. Am I rushing? I sort of just have to. She filed D a week after BD. Everything I've read here says to just sign the paperwork if it looks fair and my attorney agrees. I've already been served the initial paperwork.
So. Do I desire to recon? Yes. Do I desire to D? Yes. But I have no choice in the matter. I could drag it out, but what's the point in that?
I understand that, but my point was more about you and your state of mind than the M or D. You're talking about "being done" and "being indifferent about the D" and I'm just saying that based on your posts I don't think you are anywhere close to done, and I don't think you're being honest with yourself about your feelings. You can't stop the D but that doesn't mean you're mentally OK with it or don't care about it.
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I had to end full NC and go limited NC under the same roof. I went back to my home. I love the TXHubby approach, and I am trying to go that route.
Just make sure that you're not trying it as one of many strategies (which I'm getting the impression is exactly what you're doing). If you keep changing strategies every couple of weeks it just sends her mixed signals and contributes to her anger and resentment. The very reason it worked for TXH is because it WASN'T a strategy. He was beyond done with his W and her cheating ways and her emotional abuse and cake-eating. He had an epiphany that he was in control of his life and that he had been fighting for a W that didn't exist anymore, she had been replaced by a lying cheater he didn't even want. If you feel the same about your W then by all means go for it, but if you're just trying this out to see what happens then it's likely not going to go well.
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Basically she is super mad that I went NC and would not communicate AND she's upset about having to relinquish the MBR. She said I'm trying to control her now, and that the lack of communication from me justifies her decision to D. Blah blah.
That's a pretty predictable response from her.
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OK, does NC backfire? In the sense that today she is so mad about my NC that she has a surprise for me today and it could have been avoided if I had only talked to her over the past couple weeks. Doesn't sound promising.
NC is not intended to restore marriages. It is for when a situation is so toxic that the LBS has to do it to keep from going crazy. I've got to say though, you are sending her huge mixed signals by going NC and then suddenly moving back home. But when it comes to this stuff nothing ever really "backfires" because most WAS's are so far gone that nothing but time will bring them back anyway. But, it is very common for WAS's to blame the LBS for the WAS's choices and actions- "you've forced my hand" kind of crap. Don't believe it, she's just trying to guilt-trip you.
