Newbie trying to gain control

[Gordie]

Sjohn6,

This is tricky and it sure I have great advice for you. Some reflections on your situation:

Back at your first post and the kiss with the coworker, EA and maybe more but you don’t know. Separation and then return to home. She is generally nice to you and you guys still have sex some times but things are not back to normal. I feel this is where I was about a year ago.

You say this is not the M you want. She says you don’t ask her out on dates. What does your IC or MC or DB coach say? You say you have prettty frequent R talks. Has she said what she wants: M or D or is it uncertain?

D b philosophy is to do what works and stop doing what doesn’t. Does distancing draw her closer to you? Does asking her out on dates do so?

Don’t initiate a R talk but figure out what you would say when it comes up again so you can be unemotional and succinct. What do you want? What is in your control? What would need to happen to get there? What would she have to do? Have you ever fully dealt with the infidelity or was it swept under the rug?