You are right, if you mention the OW it just brings them together. I really could care less about the one my H is with now. I suppose at some level I'm happier with the idea that he is with one person rather than a string of even more undesirables. I do worry about his standing in his community, and his job prospects, even if he does not because that directly impacts me and the kids.
You have zero control over his family or friends and you should not attempt to influence them in any way. Let everyone see someone who has accepted his choice and is moving on to her own life. Mirror his behaviors to you and work on you. Same recipe for everything. When in doubt, do nothing. No quick or angry responses to anything. Those are the things I most regret.
