Of all the hideous things WH has done to me, the one thing I will NEVER forgive him for is how he's hurt my son. My son was three when WH left, and in the first few weeks he cried every night for him. He stopped this and I thought he was getting better, with this famed resiliency that everyone says children have. I had started to say bedtime prayers with my son, because a friend had told me she felt installing a faith that would help her children through tough times was the single greatest thing she could do for them. When we started it was mostly gratitude type things and I would end by asking God to look after us. My son listened to me for a few weeks, and one night he asked if he could say a prayer too. My baby's first prayer? 'God please bring my daddy home.' I wept when I heard it. He prayed this simple prayer for a few weeks, and then he stopped. To this day I feel intense rage and grief when I think of this.
My son is mostly a happy child. And I truly believe this - as a good parent your responsibility is not merely to keep your child safe and happy, but to teach your child how to react to life's blows. Set your little girl up to deal with setbacks and she will always be fine. So in a way, we go before them, to learn the lessons, so we may teach them. It's not all for nothing, this pain.
Originally Posted By: NicoleR
...I do wonder what will happen to my husband.
Frankly, DON'T BOTHER. Yes I am SHOUTING that. You have too much on your plate now. You can promise yourself to worry about him when you are stronger. For the moment, your first and only priority should be your recovery, physically, mentally, psychologically. When you are stronger, you can help your daughter recover and heal and get stronger. At the moment you are in survival mode. That's not a life you can live for very long without damaging yourself. When you're both well established, then you can spare a thought for him.
I read his comment about being 'psychologically sick' as self pitying and perhaps attention seeking. If he truly felt that way, why isn't he seeking help? It's the ones who are psychologically unwell and don't know it who need our prayers.
I don't know if you've gone over to the MLC forum, but they have some amazing stuff and when I was reading your thread I remembered something that might be interesting:
Look to Depression sign 8: unable to handle stress. I thought of this when you described how he shouted at you when you were asking something innocent. In a way, a 'diagnosis' is not helpful - whether MLC-er or not, the general consensus is that we can't do anything to end this experience prematurely. I only thought it might be helpful in rationalising his behaviour, and also for you to adopt the 'brace' position. If hes' a MLC-er, this will be for the long haul, and you might then wish to evaluate your position re divorce.
Can you get a separation agreement instead of a divorce?
