Thanks OwnIt - I've decided after reading both your and Job's post on the 'house' that I am going to consider it irrelevant. Just like his OW is irrelevant.
Speaking of the OW.... I've read and accepted that it does not help one bit to pressure or guilt them about having an affair. To do so just makes them move closer to the OP.
I do a great job of this, I believe. I don't bring her up, ask any questions, or give any time to this aspect of his MLC. On the other hand, some of his family is giving him a lot of grief over what he's done and who he's doing it with. They are guilting him so much about his decision to leave for this OW, not attempting to work it out with me, refusing to invite her into their home, etc.
The OW's family is the opposite - welcoming him with open arms. H feels his family is unfairly withholding this same welcome for his OW. He tells them he was unhappy for years and should have left years ago and then he meets OW - what was he supposed to do??
Pure MLC stuff, I know. My question is this: I know to avoid any mention of OW and just let it be as irrelevant as it is, but what about his family that is so against what he is doing? Are their actions toward him about OW just as damaging as if I were doing it?
Should I ask them to back off? Or leave it alone and let that play out naturally as well?
I must admit it worries me because I do think he tends to cling more to her because of it. On the other hand, I understand them not wanting to 'welcome her with open arms' like her family is doing to him. Difference is, she is single and her family has no clue that they busting up a marriage to be together. They just think H is a divorced and totally available man. H's family knows the dirty truth and they don't like it.
