I have a question I've been wondering about, or more or less wanted to get input from you guys.
Initially at BD, W claimed that we had grown apart and didn't do enough stuff together. I didn't take her out enough. I fully recognize that, even if true, is no reason to behave the way she did and has been. I feel like we had a good relationship but just got caught up in every day life that we let our closeness slip a little. So, there is a kernel of truth to it, but she is grasping at straws, in my opinion. Even still, early on (before I understood MLC behavior) I tried to address the issues. I tried asking her on more dates, buying her flowers, telling her I loved her, etc. I did a lot of that before, but maybe not as much as she needed. Since then I have all but stopped that kind of stuff based on what I have read here and on other sites about dealing with MLC. I see the wisdom in it. Now we operate more like roomates. If I don't push, we get along ok.
When we occasionally have R talks (haven't had one in a few weeks) and I express my desire for us to be closer and not to want to live in a loveless marriage, she brings up that I don't ever ask her to do anything. I express that is because when I have asked her to do things, she never seems to want to and is just cold and distant while we are out. I tell her that I would love to go do something with her, but she doesn't act like she wants to do anything with me so why would I ask her out on a date. That dates are for people who want to be together and enjoy time with each other. She doesn't really reply to that.
So my question is, should I actually be asking her out on dates or is she just MLC'ing on me? She was in an EA, but that ended about 6 months ago. She had moved out for 2 months, but moved home about 6 months ago. She is still going through issues, but her behavior now is mainly just being cold/distant. She also stays out of the house a lot, but she spends that time shopping and playing sports. She is more or less nice when we talk, but she is still up and down with depression. I THINK I still just need to wait and let things play out and do my own thing, but I also don't want to NOT ask her out if I should be in order to work on things. I mean, based on her complaints, me asking her out would be a 180...but only if that was a legit issue. I suspect that although there may be SOME truth to it, it is more grasping at straws to justify behavior and that I need to continue on as is.
