Gordie - it's a different circumstance but when I saw my S23 wearing a souvenier hat that he got from the vacation his mother and her guy took I told him that it caused me pain to see it.
It's been in his room somewhere ever since. I have no idea what if anything that his mother got him or his sister for Christmas. They don't share their interactions with their mother with me because they know it causes me pain, but then again I don't interact with them as much as you do with your kids and they are adults. I don't know if it would be wise / healthy to let them know that reminders of that guy cause you pain. I'm sure they wouldn't want to hurt you for the world. Perhaps something to talk to the older ones about?
Perhaps the healthiest way would be to put distance between you and him by reminding yourself that it's the friend of your kid's mother that did this. That puts him 4 places removed from you. It's a tough mental exercise and TBH, it will take time and distance to make happen.
There was a story on another forum I read that was quite heart-warming. The kids had been off to see their father and his GF/OW at Christmas and the mother was dreading coming home to see what they had gotten. The kids came home when she was out, tucked the stuff in their room and then made a big fuss on their Mom about how she was their greatest gift.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
