Hi there everybody - hope you had the merriest of Christmases and the happiest of New Years!
Journalling:
Well, not only did XH not initiate any contact, he helped himself to a jointly-owned asset (the car our sons use) without any communication - either to ask or even to inform. He unilaterally decided he would give the vehicle to his sister for three days to use whilst he borrowed hers for the road trip. This is the same vehicle we each paid 50/50 for and for which we go 50/50 for all bills and expenses. Am I being unreasonable expecting him to at least ask if he could loan it to his sister?
I sent him a very politely worded remonstrance - it wasn't as though the action was without consequences (S18 didn't think to tell me the car wouldn't be available when he agreed to pick me up after a Christmas function) - and quite honestly I thought he was overstepping boundaries. Absolutely no response came from him.
Now, I'm waiting on him to respond to an email our agent has sent regarding our jointly-owned house. Nothing so far even though the matters are quite pressing and really need both of us to agree on the way forward.
I am so over this. I am starting to hate this man, and I know that is so counter-productive. I know I need to stop thinking about what he's doing, and with whom, but I'm finding myself obsessing over this complete lack of consideration. I know his empathy chip is broken, but it is so hard to accept that it is only broken for me (and possibly our children - I'm still processing that one).
I am also finding it so hard to believe that there wasn't anything I did to deserve this disrespect and indifference - nor can I understand how can he be so dismissive of a person he (supposedly) passionately loved for at least 20 years. I keep replaying parts of our relationship, trying to find my fatal mistake(s) - and whilst I know I was never perfect I still can't find the parts that deserved this kind of treatment.
Whilst he's usually a caring, considerate man I know he's quite capable of showing indifference towards people who consider themselves his friend, so it's pretty crazy to expect anything else I suppose. It just hurts so much.
At least my trip with the children to my parents for Christmas went well. We grew a little closer over that time, and for that I am so very grateful.
