A fresh start? (probably not!)

[CW2017]

Hi Artista
your insightful comments have sent a dagger through the heart, in the nicest possible way! And also on behalf of everyone else I would like to thank you for your awesome contributions to date. I guess deep down I know what the end game is going to be and the limbo will ultimately be broken by a mistake on my W's part and that will lead to only one course of action. As a committed Christian I would hopefully use D proceedings as a means to blast her bubble apart and pull her back from the brink (forgiveness rather than trust on my part to begin with). I am assuming this is the "love of her life" and that her heavy flirting in the past stems from deep insecurity (absentee father, no allowing of boyfriends due to her culture, etc.), i.e. this is not serial behaviour but I guess will never find out why (I said as much to my friend last week when I was discussing his STBXW with him). Strangely enough my public sector employer set up a men's mental health seminar recently, which included the participation of a well known (in the UK) psychotherapist/MC. We all had to submit 2 sentence summaries beforehand of our sitches. He only had about 5 min at the end for mine but admitted he could have spent the whole hour on it. He said that this was a really tricky one and, in his opinion, the only way to rectify this is for a major shock to her system, such as D, which of course is one of the trains of thought on these boards.

So on the subject of me keeping silent (and it has just occurred to me this is the first anniversary of BD -just saw my tag line!- as I had not intended to signify it), this was because I guess I am the classic nice guy (with steel teeth when required). In my case I had overbearing parents whose volcanic (but deeply loving) relationship led to a fear on my part of visiting home in case there had been a seismic argument. Hence there has always been a need on my part to defuse upsetting situations (clearly for my own benefit). My live-in MIL is very frail and of course there is the DD, i.e. I am trying to protect them from, essentially, an idiot. There probably is some fear in there as well about living on my own but the great people on here show me it is feasible but of course not without a lot of pain. Ulltimately, of course, my mental health will have to come first and that will be the driving force...

thank you again