Thank you for the birthday wishes. My birthday actually went well so I stayed off the boards to try and soak it in.
Job, I think you are right about not initiating any R talks right now. I've been avoiding them anyways, but one still manages to slip in every 2 to 3 weeks. It is getting easier though because I kind of feel like my "vision" is clearing a little. I am starting to view her as she is, a person suffering from MLC. I am starting to see the things she does as behavior from MLC instead of what she is doing against me. Seeing it that way makes it easier not to force talks. I only forced them before because I needed them. Not needing them as much is key. I also understand what you mean about wearing masks. I feel like she wore a mask for about 2 weeks straight around her family. That must have been exhausting. Glad I don't have to do that.
Gordie, I appreciate that. I feel like I change my mind constantly as to what I think I want out of this. Just trying to keep what rings true and discard everything else. Birthday went well, I'll summarize below.
Sotto, thanks for the advice. I tried not to have expectations of W, but she was planning the party...at very least I expected that she would continue to do that. After I took over things seemed to work out. After taking over I lowered myself to 0 expectations.
On my birthday I woke up to W initiating intimacy. She has not initiated anything in quite some time, and it was my bday...so I just enjoyed the moment. Then, we had a nice morning with the family and she treated me normally, like it used to be. We all went and saw a movie together and then went to her brothers house to hang out with some family that was still in town before going to my dinner. That went well and then we went to dinner. Dinner was fun and W interacted well with everyone and we had a good time. Then we went back to my sisters and hung out until we all got tired and went home. It was a nice and normal day which I really needed. I tried not to have any expectations regarding the day OR that it would carry over to the next. I just wanted to enjoy THAT day...and I did.
The next day W's family left to travel back home and it was New Years eve. We went to a friends house to have game night with them through the new year (have done this several years in a row). It was fun, but I felt like I could see W's mood slipping again. I fully expected it so it didn't really bother me. She got sick over night (probably from the crappy food and drink we had) so the next day she was pretty quiet. It could have been from getting sick OR depression creeping back in (or both). She was not too cold and distant, but down from how she was the previous week.
I know I shouldn't have too many expectations, but right now I expect that when I get home today she will be more quiet and distant. Maybe not, but it helps to foresee that cycle so that I can distance myself. How she is right now is pretty difficult to judge how to be with her. Just trying to take it all in stride for now and feel it out.
Happy New Years to you guys!! I am so glad I found you and for the support you have given me!!
