Wife wont admit to affair and its driving me nuts!

[Morbo]

OK, I calmed down a bit, just deleted her emails.

Wont see her 'til tomorrow.I'm sure I havent heard the last of her today though.
I make no apologies either for dumping her off the family Whatsapp
as I didnt feel she deserved to be there making comments on family members, when she is doing what she is currently doing.

I actually reread some of Sandi's posts on WW' and their behaviour.
I think this is a huge wakeup call for W and I know she is immensely embarrassed. Instead of owning it she is feeling sorry for herself denying vehemently and telling me what a POS I am etc
Then there is always that niggling doubt that I have wronged a good woman.

If I wasnt on this forum I probably would have apologized by now.
Its been the story of this whole saga(over 13 months), her making me feel immense guilt and like an idiot for daring to think that she was having an affair. I just thought she would leave it go, but no, stab, stab, STAB.

Ugggghhhh

[doodler]

This is just KILLING me though.
What if I"M WRONG!!

Morbo,

You're not wrong. I know because I went through the same thing. It's a cruel game that your wife is playing.

In my case, my wife (now XW) kept me on the hook for a long time; she claimed that the OM was "just a friend" and that I was just jealous. She eventually suggested MC. (She didn't originally want MC, but I think she suggested it so she could use it as evidence that she was trying to save the marriage.) We went to MC and the MC saw right through my wife's bullsh*t. My wife stopped going after the third session. My MC became my IC and she kept my @ss on the straight and narrow.

I even tried to kick the OM's @ss at a public venue, but there was a cop nearby; the OM even told the cop that I was just jealous and that there was no affair. The OM is a total wuss as well as a useless piece of flesh.

Anyway, thanks to my excellent IC, I was able to step up to the plate and do what needed to be done.

I know how much you need external confirmation that you're not wrong so here it is: YOU'RE NOT WRONG! You're wife is playing you and you need to stop being a dumb@ss and come to your senses.

[Zues126]

Good job not taking the bait.

Nothing to communicate with words right now. And the message you want to try to communicate NON-VERBALLY through your disinterest is "Hey, I get it, we're on different pages, not surprising since we're getting a divorce (chuckle)". Again, you don't actually say this. But this is the vibe she should get.

I get that it is hard. My WAW pushed every button she could. At one point she (I swear you can't make this stuff up) accused me of being responsible for our miscarried child because of my ten year speed addiction (this was news to me). I've never been accused of anything as outrageous as the death of our child before. I'll admit that it hurt. But I deleted that and moved forward.

I have some thinks I can link up later for you to read but for now hang in. I need to go back to work

[Morbo]

Another Stander wrote..

Brother she is having an A, how many people need to tell you this? Why do you need her to admit it so bad? She will NEVER admit it! And even if she did, it doesn't change anything. She's still a lying cheater.

Because I still dont have the ultimate 100% proof I guess, pictures, I suppose. I know EVERYONE here is with me. BUT I'd hate to think that I was accusing someone wrongly, especially W.

Anyway, I'm trying to get over it. She's still emailing me every half hour to tell me what a POS I am. I'm deleting and not responding.

Doodler wrote

You're not wrong. I know because I went through the same thing. It's a cruel game that your wife is playing.

Its beyond cruel. Who is this person I married?

I know how much you need external confirmation that you're not wrong so here it is: YOU'RE NOT WRONG! You're wife is playing you and you need to stop being a dumb@ss and come to your senses.

Lol, dumb*ss.
Yep, I need ALL the external confirmation. W is pushing every button right now.
I think my action of telling my family has sent over the edge. It has really rattled her cage.

She just emailed me to say she's looking into D. Its the first time she's done this.
She also emailed me THIS to rile me.

I will be telling the girls what is going on so they don't grow up believing all the nasty things you will choose to say about me. My children are going abroad to a different country for 6 weeks with now a huge group of people who will despise me for no reason whatsoever other than you decide to smear me. I've never wanted to be more vile and nasty than I do right now. I wish I could fu**ing rub it in that I had been fu**ing him or carrying on. I wish that were true so I could fu**ing hurt you.

Ouch

[Morbo]

Zues wrote

I have some thinks I can link up later for you to read but for now hang in. I need to go back to work.

Yeah, I'll take whatever you got man. Think W is contacting my family
too right now to deny everything so things are gonna get messy. Baah

[Morbo]

Sorry for all the posts, it's been a rough day.

Bombarded with s**tty
Emails from W today but deleted them.
Her latest thing was a huge diatribe on FB condemning me where I couldn't even defend myself as I don't use it.
Also, my sister managed to grab one of her pictures she put on Instagram of her and OM before it was taken down 10 mins later. Very chummy, cheek to cheek,looking very much in love.
They're just friends tho....obvs..LMFAO

I'm so glad I wasn't baited by her bs this morning. I'm taking the high road and hopefully the worst of it is over, for now.

Wow, WTF happened to my sweet wife??

[Vanilla]

Frankly this is some of the most awful behaviour of any wayward I have read on this board, and there has been some terrible things.

Most of it is truly nasty and unpleasant, and I have been on the receiving end of a great deal. I was beginning to doubt that this was real although some of it particularly the raging, gaslighting, cheating and entitlement is stuff I recognise too well.

The other aspect here of seeing you as a target (not a victim) is that you are denying it and blaming Yourself

It is called denial.

She is wayward there is no doubt and there is a long history. You are saying she has mental issues, not on Meds, uses alcohol and sends you these terrible emails.

Do not delete these emails etc, if you seek primary custody of your children then you will need them.

Going NC is the minimum to do, additionally I would like to hear you are getting help IRL, from abuse counselling and perhaps a battered mens group. Putting your sexual health at risk in this way is physical abuse. Please get tested and ensure you have a syphilis test. Some of her behaviour could be syphilis infection too. From there you may need to determine if your children should be tested, I do hope not.

Sweetness is as Sweetness does and this is rancid stuff.

Not only that but her rage has extended beyond your private circle to public media, this is truly truly abusive stuff.

Consider getting a no contact order and please stay safe. Keep those buttons out of reach.

At some stage after this level of provocation you too may get angry and that can be directed.

And for the record at 63 I now expect to have to work until I am in my mid 70s.

I fear for you with this outrageous stuff. And even more for your sweet girls who need you more than ever.

V

[Vanilla]

abuse thread vanilla and zelda

V

[Vanilla]

My thoughts are that you are experiencing level 6 (the highest level) abuse.

Those are my thoughts.

V

[Morbo]

Vanilla wrote

My thoughts are that you are experiencing level 6 (the highest level) abuse.

Frankly this is some of the most awful behaviour of any wayward I have read on this board, and there has been some terrible things.

Most of it is truly nasty and unpleasant, and I have been on the receiving end of a great deal. I was beginning to doubt that this was real although some of it particularly the raging, gaslighting, cheating and entitlement is stuff I recognise too well.

The other aspect here of seeing you as a target (not a victim) is that you are denying it and blaming Yourself

It is called denial.

Thank you. I appreciate this so much.

I reached out and talked to a lot of people today, good friends
and realized it is not all my fault. She has really raged at me
today, confused me and if it wasnt for the level, experienced people on this board I probably would have caved in and apologized(or something). I also talked to friends who saw the offensive FB posts and called to see if I was ok. I explained my side of everything , the proof, her denial, her absolute rage at me for everything and got great support and validation.
I do see that she is completely wrong and frankly she is starting to scare me a bit. Her father who is completely on my side(by the way) has said to me numerous times that she needs help.

Do not delete these emails etc, if you seek primary custody of your children then you will need them.

I have all old emails as well as texts and have been recording our conversations for the past 2 weeks.

Putting your sexual health at risk in this way is physical abuse. Please get tested and ensure you have a syphilis test. Some of her behaviour could be syphilis infection too. From there you may need to determine if your children should be tested, I do hope not.

Not sure about this but we havent had sex in 5 months??

I'm hoping this will be the worst for now. She's been embarrassed in front of my family and most people on FB are not listening to her childish bs, except for a couple of new sycophant friends.

I dont really intend on telling anyone else about the affair and am just looking after my girls and trying to keep our relationship purely business and cordial if she'll allow it.

I'm going to go on to the abuse thread now.

Thanks :-)