Me: W, just tell me directly what you want instead of me having to read your mind W: We can keep living together in the same house. Me: You mean, we are divorced but continue living together in the same house? W: Yes, it can be done.
I really don't get your W at all. I mean how is living together in the same house and raising kids together any different than M, because you're not having sex I guess? I don't understand why anyone that wants a D would want to keep living with that same person, it's just perplexing.
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Me: No. W: Well then things won't stay the same for the kids. Me: No, they won't W: Again telling me I'm not the enemy and she doesn't hate me. Me: I know you don't hate me, I understand
I think walk away to end the conversation and she follows.
W: So what do you want to do? It seems you have a plan. Me: No, I don't have a plan. I'm not going to do anything.
I know I'm not validating her, in fact whenever she wants to discuss feelings I cut her off. I am also not trying to be mean, although I acknowledge moving her stuff out is mean too.
I'm not sure that convo would have been the time to validate, I mean you know I'm a big proponent of validating but there are times where you have to stand your ground and protect yourself as well. I think you did fine in the above convo. You stood your ground and upheld your boundaries without being mean or argumentative about it.
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Any advice on telling the kids at this point? In our state a divorce takes 6 months once the first petition is filed.
If they were younger I would say to wait until your W is preparing to move out before telling them. But at their ages, they're going to know things aren't right and I think the two of you should sit down with them and have a discussion. Don't tell them you're getting a D but maybe just tell them the two of you are struggling with your relationship and trying to decide what to do. Make sure to emphasize that it has nothing to do with them and no matter what happens that BOTH of you will be there for them always.
