Sandi's Reflections - Part 2

[sandi2]

Thanks, Coconut. My H would not communicate his feelings to me, although I encouraged him to try. If I had some issue with him, I would try to explain it, and it was always a one-sided (my side) conversation....which left me feeling bad and with unmet emotional needs. I finally stopped trying to get him to talk about his feelings when he told me it was as painful for him to express, as holding my feelings inside were painful to me.

We have never had meaningful conversations like I saw in my parents and between other adults. He still doesn't carry on a discussion with me, and it still hurts, but I just try to adapt the best that I can and not take it personally. He doesn't really carry on conversations with other people that much. It's just not so noticeable, b/c he responds to them. With me, he'd just looked straight ahead.....toward the TV screen. I'm not stretching it a bit.

Ironically, the main thing I have always craved in my MR was intimate conversation, or pillow talk. I needed that special moment with my H when first going to bed, where a couple lay in each other's arms and talk. It may lead to making love, or they may just fall asleep.

My H was always addicted to TV and he would sit up at night watching it until he'd finally pass out, while I lay in our bed alone. I've never personally known another couple quite like us, but I suppose they exist. It ruined our intimacy, for me. It left me feeling lonely, neglected, and resentful. If he wanted sex, I would always know.....b/c he would follow me to bed, and as soon as sex was over, he would get right back up to watch more TV. I pleaded with him to just compromise, b/c I felt it would improve our MR. His answer was always that he just wasn't ready to go to bed. But why could he not go to bed until I fell asleep and then he could he get up and watch TV if he still wasn't ready to sleep. I mean, he would not even try to compromise about it. I tried sitting up later, but he still would not give up his TV time to be with me.

I got away from the initial subject, but I do appreciate your comments. In my case, it was definitely a source of resentment.