I want to also point out that what AS usually says (LBS goes to fog, puts on the rose-tinted glasses at BD and forgets all the bad things) is certainly true. Now that I'm feeling quite detached from everything else than my ego being hurt by OM being around my kids etc already, I can totally remember being unhappy and even thinking sometimes how my life would be alone - with seeing some good things in it!
Exactly right, any relationship is a mix of good and bad, that's just life. BD tends to make the WAS forget all the good stuff and the LBS forget all the bad stuff. Eventually both come out of their respective fogs and regain the good and bad memories. One of my coworker's wife died of cancer, and he spoke at her funeral and mentioned how their relationship was like sewing together all these different fragments of cloth, and how sometimes they made mistakes and had to rework what they had done, etc. but at the end of it when he held it up he saw that it was a beautiful tapestry. I thought that was such an amazing thing to say!
Originally Posted By: Joseph9
I think AS said something once that the only difference between us and them is that they just acted on their feelings first.
Well now that you guys are quoting me I feel like I can sit back and relax on autopilot, hahaha
Originally Posted By: LH19
I went to a house party at some friends which really put a lot of things in perspective to me. One woman was there alone because her husband got drunk at 9:00 am. He just lost his job and there marriage is in shambles. The woman who hosted the party got mad at her husband and lock herself in the bedroom and would not come out. At ball drop not one of the 5 couples there kissed or hugged or anything.
I've mentioned this story before, but right after BD my XW and I were at our son's school for a meet-the-teacher thing and I was looking at the happy couple across from us thinking how lucky they were to be together and everything going great unlike us, and about that time the woman handed a piece of their son's artwork to the man and said "why don't you take this to your house." Hahaha! So yeah, often things are not as they seem. A friend of mine was always raving about what a great guy her BF was, how sweet he treated her, how handy he was around the house, etc. Right up until she broke up with him. Then all I heard about was how mean, abusive, dismissive, etc. he was. I actually asked her why she had always spoken so highly about him before and she said she was hoping that if she said it that it would come true. So yeah, even the couples that are together and outwardly appear to be perfect are often really broken and struggling.
