Wife wont admit to affair and its driving me nuts!

[Morbo]

A couple for superpowers will be bestowed on you if you play your cards right. I know I must sound like a nut job to you, but trust me on this one.

Vapo, Thanks for this. It made me laugh but I know exactly what you mean.
My 2 new superpowers that I have received are the ability to spot a liar from 500 ft as you mentioned.
Also, I have become acutely aware of my friends relationships with their spouses, how they act around their wives and vice versa. I see the disrespect, the snarkiness, the little fights and the selfishness really clearly now and I can see trouble down the line for some of them unless they start reconnecting..

I still do regret and know that I could have been a better husband
but I sincerely apologized so many times and worked on myself but she was long gone. I took the blame totally but now I know that it wasnt all about me,

[Vapo]

I still do regret and know that I could have been a better husband
but I sincerely apologized so many times and worked on myself but she was long gone. I took the blame totally but now I know that it wasnt all about me,

I know buddy. But I have a simple principle, I make a clearing every now and then and that means I forgive all who have wronged me in the past, but more importantly, I forgive myself for all things. Forgiving oneself is the most difficult part. But it is highly therapeutical to do just that.

And yes, there is no doubt that you dropped the ball now and then. We all did, and we all do from time to time. It happens. Own it. Stop apologizing. If you mess up, apologize once, and then step up the plate.

Alpha men apologize when they are wrong, but only once. No need to grovel.

With that being said, own your faults, but only your faults. Then forgive yourself, then do better. Do not be afraid of anything. You will succeed, you will thrive, your kids will thrive. There is pretty much no limits to what you can achieve.

Time to focus on the important stuff. Your W is not important, OM is not important, your marriage is not important. YOU are important (first and foremost), secondly your kids are important. Get your priorities straight.

[sandi2]

My only question is although I know W is reaping what she sowed, OM has been having a
great time with my W and probably both laughing at my expense. He also called me back in may 17 completely denying any wrongdoing, he was smooth as f**k and I of course believed him.
Soo, how do I make this piece of s**t suffer the consequences of his actions?

By letting him have your WW?

[Morbo]

By letting him have your WW?

Sandi, lol. Its true, they can have each other.

Now that I've processed it a bit more, its getting easier to accept
and the anger always subsides. They're just not worth my time.

[Morbo]

With that being said, own your faults, but only your faults. Then forgive yourself, then do better. Do not be afraid of anything. You will succeed, you will thrive, your kids will thrive. There is pretty much no limits to what you can achieve.

I completely owned my faults as I saw them and as I had pointed out to me W a million times. I stepped up to the plate, and I have no regrets. I should have been more Alpha but I was struggling to save a M that was probably already dead. I apologized too much, thats for sure with nothing from her end. She continues even today to be an unrepentant, cold b**ch.

2016 and 2017 have been brutal years but I have learned so much. I am a better person, a great dad, confidence is back and I feel really optimistic right now.
Thanks for the really helpful insights, Vapo.

[Morbo]

So, got huge long email from W today.

Started nicely with saying that she would pay off our higher credit card and I could take the lower one. Surprised me a bit but so far, so good. Then again she was the one that used them the most.

She's completely denying everything still and is mad as hell with me. Totally just friends, she is not admitting the slightest wrongdoing. No apologies at all for ANYTHING.
She's especially mad because she's off my family group whatsapp because I told them. She's really, really trying to make me feel bad that I would think she's having an affair and she's good at it! Still making me doubt myself.

Then a big rant over how s**t I was as a husband and all her sacrifices, bla, bla. She has some good points but I've heard them a million times. I owned them at the time, apologized profusely and did what needed to be done, what else can I do?

So, emailed her back.
I was polite but called her on her bs. I then laid out all the info I have on them as "friends" but put my single female boss and me in the story instead. Evidence looked damning to me but I know she'll come back to me denying, denying.

Man, this is wearing me out. I need to run.

[AnotherStander]

Morbo, I'm a few weeks behind here so am trying to catch up on threads. I just read through two weeks of your posts and man oh man are you ever spinning. Dude listen, you need to REALLY and TRULY go NC. You keep saying "NC is going really well! Oh by the way I emailed her and called her out on blah blah blah". Do you know what NC means? NO CONTACT. It doesn't mean no contact for a few hours and then email and then no contact for a few more hours and then text. It means NO CONTACT. PERIOD. What do you hope to accomplish by constantly challenging your W about the A? You want her to admit to it? OK so say she does, then what? What would it change? Brother she is having an A, how many people need to tell you this? Why do you need her to admit it so bad? She will NEVER admit it! And even if she did, it doesn't change anything. She's still a lying cheater.

Man, this is wearing me out. I need to run.

YOU are wearing you out! And you can't run from you, because wherever you run, there you are. LISTEN to us! Get out, GAL. LEAVE YOUR W ALONE. Quit contacting her except as is required minimally for the kids, and even then treat it like it's business. Discuss pickup and dropoff times, period. Focus on you and the kids. Leave her be.

[Zues126]

Hi Morbo, I'm sorry you're on these forums.

I see in your signature that you are "No contact". She bombs you a long email with her spin on why she's right and you're wrong.

When I read that you replied I almost fell out of my chair.

No contact and no relationship talks mean you need to stay out of this drama. Being drawn into a "yes you are" "no I'm not" "yes you are" is childish. Whatever words in your reply you used the true message you sent was "WAS, I am still so emotionally connected to you that it kills me to have you view me in a way I don't like, so I must react by trying to win you over to my way of thinking".

I agree in this situation NC is 100% appropriate and I would challenge you to step up your NC game. You'd be amazed at some of the emails or texts that look like they demand a reply that can be deleted.

Hang in.

[Morbo]

OK, I'm making a balls of this NC. I thought since I called her out everything it would all just stop, we'd have a businesslike relationship with the kids and move towards divorce.

She just sent me this email. It devastated me to my core.

You "told my family that you were having an inappropriate relationship with your boss(which you are) and they took you off Whatsapp" holy f**ing [censored]@! That is lower than f**k. I just can't believe you would do that to me, to the girls. You are worse than I could ever imagine. Sometimes I think you do things on purpose so I'll off myself and you'll be rid of me. This is so utterly low. You know the only thing I f**ing cared about more than anything was how hurtful it was to lose your family when I don't have much family of my own. You are a spiteful horrible person.

I've had so many horrible feelings about you and our relationship and I purposely kept that from my family because they are family. You are the father of their grandchildren. I've been as positive as possible when discussing what we are going through. Because THAT'S WHAT YOU DO.

You ONLY f**king STEPPED UP when I was READY TO LEAVE. I F**kING BEGGED YOU. I begged you to help. I BEGGED you to PLEASE make things easier and that I couldn't handle things much longer. You didn't care, you didn't change then, you didn't do anything when it would have really helped me. I went deeper and deeper into my hole. I know what I did wrong, I know that I lost hope and drank too much to cope with my feelings, to make myself feel better about myself, to ignore that I had lost my self worth.

She's sent me 2 other emails telling me she hates me.

This is just KILLING me though.
What if I"M WRONG!!

How can she keep denying, so strongly!!

[CW2017]

Hi Morbo
to my untrained eyes it doesn't look like you're wrong, not one iota. To me it looks like someone scurrilously covering her a**.

hang in there!!!

best