Also in the last couple of years I got increasingly depressed with myself. I had everything I ever wanted, and I lost a goal in my life, spent my evenings in front of TV, or playing video games. I had also some serious health issues, or at least I thought I have, and it resulted me being very frustrated and affraid, and I did not share these with her much.
Couple of times over the course of this year, I initiated talks that we need to think about divorce as we are too different and I do not feel myself good in this relationship.
I'm glad you mentioned this, because it is more than likely why you are where you are right now. You completely checked out of the M. She knew you were checked out but not why (you probably don't know yourself), but when you started talking about D then she figured it was her. You basically BD'd her. Over time she came to accept that it was over and finally got to the point where she was OK with it and ready to move on. So your current behavior is probably coming as quite a shock to her, because all your actions and words have been telling her that YOU are done and now suddenly you are reversing course. Please understand it took her months or even years to get to this point, so you cannot expect things to go "back to normal" in a few days or weeks. There are no quick fixes. You've got to do a lot of work on yourself, become the "spouse only a fool would leave." It will take time for you to do this, and time for her to accept you really have changed and aren't just doing it as tricks to get her back. Read DR, establish goals for yourself, give your W time and space, read Sandi's rules and follow them as best you can. You do have a shot at reconciling but it's going to take time and hard work!
