PsySara, I can relate because my husband already left and returned once and I had many of those thoughts when he returned. My sense is that you've done just about everything you can do to give your marriage a second chance. You're even staying patient despite all these thoughts and feeling that could easily cause you to do something drastic. Are you drawn to your husband as much physically as you were before? If your husband says he's not as drawn to you, can he specify whether there's something you could change either physically or in your actions that would catch his interest?

I believe you have two options, right? Either to settle for what you have now or to proceed with divorce. If settling for what you have now is the best of the two options after you continue to think about it, then you may have no choice but to start finding happiness in other ways, apart from your husband, until he signals that he's ready to provide what you need. Not an affair of course but by doing activities with your kids, in your career, in re-strengthening your religious beliefs or becoming closer to other friends and family members...

Others may disagree with me and say you'd be better off divorced, but I believe you're better off staying. Now that my husband is gone and I'm alone, with health problems, and a young child, I'd do anything for even a lackluster marriage. The loneliness and uncertainty about the future is much worse for me than a husband who contributes minimally and isn't physically affectionate. At least with some kind of husband there is some kind of stability. To me a bad marriage (without abuse or violence of course) is better than none, but I'm sure there are others who will disagree.

Maybe you need to search outside of DB at this point. DB is only about saving your marriage but doesn't focus on what happens after it's saved. That's the issue I have with it. There are probably other resources out there for this stage you're in. I wish I had found them before my husband left a second time. Although he never really sought to reconcile, I also didn't make the conditions right for that to happen. I wasn't my usual self and expected too much from my husband. I should have just left him alone for a few years to do what he wants instead of trying to talk about our marriage every month or two.

I still hope you'll find a way to make it work. It sounds like having patience is the right thing to do but you still need to express all your thoughts and doubts.