I'm kind of new here too. My husband also left and I'm having health problems. It's like living in a dark hole. It's very difficult to see the light.
In your case it sounds like a few things need to happen. Your wife probably needs some time for her relationship with her affair partner to end. Or if she commits to him then there's not much you can do, but there's a strong chance the affair will end at some point. I think the DB book says around six months?
If your wife becomes free from the affair and you're meanwhile doing well, appear to have your life back-on-track, and you're still single then that appears to be the best time to fix the marriage. If the divorce can be delayed that'd be best.
It's so hard because we miss our spouses right now and wish to fix it with them right now. It's not easy to accept that time needs to pass before the marriage needs to be fixed. Maybe sometimes it doesn't take too much time, but based on the DB book and what people here say, it sounds like it takes a long time.
I hope your health is a little better now and with DB tools and some new perspective you'll be on your way to feeling slightly better day-by-day.
