Second cycle of MLC

[hispeed]

Prior to first bomb drop, she was going out alot and partying with a new group of girlfriends much younger than her. She had a close friend that she lost, and was saying things like "you only live once". Yes, she was getting a lot more attention from guys after weight loss and admitted to an EA prior to reconciliation. This wasn't brought up during MC and was probably a mistake on my part. During the time in between the BDs, I caught her in another EA, which she apologized for and I forgave her for. Prior to BD 2 she had plastic surgery and was taking alot of selfies. She has a 40th birthday coming up and recently said something to the effect of "life is too short to be unhappy". Says she needs to be "selfish" and when I brought up how D will affect kids, she says she needs to "think of herself". The chapter on midlife crisis in DR really jumped out at me and I think describes my W behavior pretty well.

I think labeling it makes things easier for me to deal with, especially if it follows a script. I feel like I've been a decent, loving husband who has made mistakes, but am now being blamed for her all of her unhappiness.

I think I understand cake-eating and I am guilty of allowing her to do this. She is still open to doing things as a "family" which I still enjoy. She uses the term "family", which gets me. I know some suggest going dark/dim, but I've taken the approach of matching her distance. I think I can deal with her cake-eating as long as there isn't a PA. I try to look for positive signs and although things still get bad I think the overall trend is still more positive than at BD2. She still rages, but if I see her as a person suffering then it makes it easier for me to let it slide and not engage. I try to validate and listen when I can.

I think she's trying to process a lot, and said one of the reasons for getting her own place was to "be able to think". Recently she said she needs IC, although she hasn't followed through.

Alot of things are just weird this time around. BD2 was delivered while she was nude. She's admitted to being a "terrible wife".

Admitted to "spending too much". Finances were a source of contention during our relationship. Since then, she's called me "honey" a couple of times and said "love you" ending a conversation. I take them as verbal slips, but still. She occasionally asks for hugs. Has a picture of the "family" at her new place. Has invited me over for breakfast at her new place a couple of times, with the kids there. I'm hoping for R, but preparing for D as she still brings it up, most recently today.

Exercise is very important to me. I've always been in good shape and have kept up my exercise routine through this. I lost weight from anxiety and loss of appetite after BD2, but have regained the weight back plus two pounds. Eating does wonders to your state of mind. Funny how acquaintances would comment on how great I looked when I lost weight. If only they knew the amount of hurt....

Writing about all of this is helping a great deal, too.