Thanks ginger. I really appreciate that someone not only understands, but has similar feelings and regrets. And also understands that just because i feel like that one moment, does not mean it is something i frequently feel.
I am enjoying my relationship with this new guy. I started to get swept up a little, but today realized I need to back down and keep myself in check a little bit. I like him a lot. But it is still new and I know time is the true test. I dont know the lines between being clingy and being unavailable. There are times my insecurities come out and i know that is not attractive or healthy. There are times I talk about my ex and I know that is not good to do too much either.
Something that pops up is that I feel guilt over my ex. I wonder if I had accepted him like I accept the guy now, would we have had a better relationship. When I met my ex I was young, and perhaps more arrogant,and opinionated certainly less appreciative. I definitely took things for granted with my ex. This was a hard lesson to learn.
Most of all, i do not know what was reactive to weird behaviors that my ex did have and what was awful behavior on my part. Most likely a mix of both. But hard to accept that I was not perfect. Its hard to accept that I was a bad enough wife to leave. Was I actually a bad enough wife to leave or was it just a man that had secrets and addictions? I dont have answers only past experiences to learn from. But the consequence was so hard and I feel bad at failing at marriage.
