Contradictions - probably best ignored. Finding that tough when he insists that our marriage was bad. In the beginning he admitted it was very good and over the last 6 months that has turned into "unhappy for many years".
Last time I saw H a few days ago, I told him we need to reduce our contact. Right now it's no more than a few days before I hear from him. H is determined to restore a friendship. I expressed serious doubts about that - too awkward and what on earth can we talk about anymore? All H said is maybe it's too soon now and let's see how things go in the New Year. For now, H said he will respect my wishes. Then he says he will be back next week to fix a few things.
I have to admit something - as much as I believe that NC would help me, I can't seem to stop feeling some kind of hope when he resists the NC request. It seems clear that he still cares about me and might one day want me back, or maybe that's just wishful thinking. I have to admit also that despite the painful cycling his contact creates, there is a big part of me that wants to hear from him or see him. And when I do, I am looking for any little sign that he at least still cares for me and that things are on the rocks with OW. The reality is that the R with OW has never been better while H and I are the most distant we have ever been and continues to decline.
Back to NC or much reduced contact. How should I handle the Happy New Years thing? It seems harsh to not wish him a HNY. At the same time, I did ask for reduced contact and if I send him a text I would be the first to break that silence.
