Hi Everyone, Happy New Year! I've been wanting to respond to all of your previous posts in detail but I keep getting further behind. My daughter has been home on preschool holiday break and my health is still not good.

I want to quickly write a few updates though. Earlier in the week my friend and former neighbor who knows what's happening asked me to meet her husband to get his input. He's a successful guy business-wise and knows my husband as well. He said my husband alluded to the fact that I was too passive, in a bad way, in past conversations. He said my husband is taking advantage of me in our current situation and said I need to stand up for myself. He said I can't let this happen - allowing my husband to live in a big new house alone while my daughter and I live in a small old apartment. He said we're an upper middle class family and I've now been displaced to a lower socioeconomic class and I can't sit quietly and let that happen. He said I need to go check on the new house and tell my husband I can't live in the apartment anymore. I ended up asking my husband if I could stop by and see what's happening with the house a few nights ago and my husband said no. My husband said if I need anything that I have in storage there he'd bring it to me. I asked him to consider switching places for the benefit of our daughter until further notice (I'm waiting to move until I know what's happening with my health) - he living in the apartment and us in the house. I didn't say anything about fixing our relationship, just switching places. My husband got mad and said no, it's his house, he worked hard for it and he's going to live there.

I don't know. Perhaps it was wrong to follow my neighbor's advice but at the same time, what my neighbor said is true. My husband has taken advantage of my passiveness. I've mainly followed this website (DB) and have tried to cut off contact with my husband but the arrangement we're in IS unfair. My husband goes on major spending sprees for himself and his house but he hasn't been paying off my credit card these past few months. When I tell him there's still a balance from the previous month he tells me to stop spending so much even though I'm really not. I developed a budget that he never bothered to look at. We're living on the bare minimum and even with that my husband see's us a burden and annoyance.

The root problem of course is that I'm not working and need to get a new job ASAP, but I'm waiting now to see if I need surgery these next few weeks so I feel like I can't do anything yet. Still, given that I burned through my savings and may not get a position with the same level of seniority as before, the best I can offer my daughter on my own is probably what we have now - an apartment with a modest lifestyle. It seems unfair to her.

Anyway, at this point I'm afraid it doesn't even matter if I contacted or upset my husband because clearly he's moved on and doesn't have plans to fix the marriage. The fact that he wants to live like a king in his own house, coupled with the fact that he doesn't want to see his daughter, makes it obvious to me that there's very little I can do to save the marriage.

I told some old friends from my husband's country what happened and they think he used me for immigration purposes.

The worst thing is that I still miss my husband. He's become an awful, selfish person but I still remember the years when we were inseparable. There are other things that make me happy but the happiest I've been in my life were those few years with my husband when the marriage was good.

Sometimes I wonder if my husband will ever regret what he did, or if he's really such a bad person. I also blame myself for being too kind. I see that I need to change. I want to be a good role model for my daughter. I feel so, so sorry for her to have a father who doesn't want to play a big role in her life. It's so hard to mitigate the damage it will do to her in the future.

One question I have is if I file for divorce, should I offer any final statement to my husband before doing so? Like "this was the last resort but now I have to protect myself and our daughter?" Or "I never wanted to get divorced but I see that you've moved on so now I need to do so as well?" Anything to state my intentions? Or just move forward with it and let him be surprised?

My husband always says something to the extent of "I don't want to get divorced. I want to have time to think." That's what he's been saying for years so I assume that's what he's thinking now. But now I fear we're at his mercy financially and without some legal arrangement it's hard to know what's fair and what support he should offer.

It's still so hard to think about this. I will probably wait a few weeks to do anything because I know filing for divorce will make my health worse and I just need to get a better diagnosis first. I think I'm also clinically depressed. Maybe that's why I read and hear what you're all saying but don't feel it and can't feel better. I'll start SSRI's for a time if my health is bad and I'm getting divorced because those two things at once feel unbearable.

Thanks again for listening! I really wonder what the future holds for us all.