Nothing much changed in the sitch, but I wanted to do a final 2017 update and close the year.
Still NC/dark with W aside from kids stuff.
Got a reality check this week that W is still in her selfish mindset and things haven't really changed on her end. Her time with the kids is not optimal and unfortunately I can't do much about it. It isn't super neglectful but her choices are about her and not the kids.
She's keeping up with her new circle of friends and is dragging the kids to that when she has them. Recently she took them to someone's place and stuck them in front of the tv with video games while she did her socializing with her group of friends. This is a woman who was always dead set against having a gaming console in the house because she hated how it was all consuming and wanted to keep kids away from that.
Also, the other day was one of my kids bdays and she was supposed to take them in the evening because they were travelling out of town the next day. Made sense to have them over and get ready in the morning and go. Either she forgot or just didn't plain read the text I had sent about it. She had made some evening plans and was having people over and so said she wasn't going to be able to take the kids. Also told me in the afternoon of the same day.
Luckily, I didn't have anything planned for the evening and so I took the kids for the night. I know folks here will say that I should've just stuck to the original agreement and made her take them, but I will take all the extra time I can get with them. She has put them on the lower end of her priority list with her being on top, and I don't want the kids to be short changed by her poor choices. I want to be the stable lighthouse for them and I will always prioritize them first over anything.
This hasn't happened in the past so it's not like there is a precedent for her dumping them on me so that she can do her own thing. I didn't sign up to be a part-time parent and her choice for the S made that decision for me.
Moving forward though, I will ensure that the communications are more clear about the kids schedule and she doesn't get to do this again. I will not enable her selfish choices. However, I don't get to dictate what she does with them when she has them.
So, the selfishness continues full speed and all she is thinking is about herself and her life - kids are on the side and I am not even on the horizon.
It's all good though for me. I had a great chat with some of my close friends this week and one of them was like - if someone is asking for separation and divorce then they should have the balls to follow through with it. They know that I don't want a divorce right now but I explained to them that I was not in limbo and not waiting on her.
If her past behavior is any indication, I am certain that she won't file for D when the one year timeline elapses. The more time that has gone by, I am getting much more confident about life without her and not afraid of filing for D.
She is being a sub-par mother, is selfish, and thinks her life is going to be just great. Hasn't suffered much loss yet, but the D will definitely crack that illusion. I am losing my desire to be with her and I know that I can easily pick up the parenting slack from her end and be there for my kids fully.
So, we'll see what 2018 has in store. My main mantra right now is just gaining back all the control that I can have as a person for myself and my kids, and truly follow my dreams and create the happiness that I want.
Spending today just gearing up for the new year with a fresh outlook and perspective, and ready to embrace the path towards all my goals.
Thank you folks here for helping me regain my sanity and I will be around. Hope you all can end this year on a positive note and start afresh tomorrow.
