What an excellent post and point. This is where I think many A's happen. When they feel the spark is gone and life and kids get in the way..... they go out searching in other places looking for that spark. But life happens. Sara, the way your H handled that was awful. He did what a lot of people did, look for it elsewhere. And maybe, right now, at this point in your lives, it's not going to be there.
I raised my daughter without a partner, since he decided that he didn't want the same person to be the wife and parent of his child. He was attention hungry. There was no neglect on my part either. He remarried at 31 and did not want kids with her, even though she had none, and he has his own barely a third of the time. So, I never really had to balance every day life with pleasing a partner. I was simply raising my kid on my own.
But I see it happening all around me in real life. expecting marriage to be as it was when you were newleyweds with no kids. it's just not a reality. I long for the comfort of just knowing a partner is there, to share kid responsibilities, to do things as a family, and when the kdis are asleep, maybe just lay on my husbands shoulder in my jammies and watch some TV. To me, that's romance, because I never had it.
When was the last time you felt this spark, Sara? Were kids in the picture? Were demanding careers in the picture?
Maybe just really sit down and think about what you are missing in this R. And would it be the same way if there was never infidelity, it was just a season of life?
I think you are both trying to reach for something that perhaps is unrealistic at this time. Instead of seeing exactly what you have right in front of you.
