In the previous thread, Vanilla asked me if I want R with a new W and Joe2018. I'm not sure what you mean, V. Do you mean recon with my current W? Or starting a new relationship with a different woman?
Anyhow. Today is the first day I've woken up and felt partially like myself. I'm sure the moment is coming when I get dragged down into the darkness again but I'm going to keep trying to stay positive. Not about recon, not about my WW, but I'm trying to stay positive about the direction of my life and how it relates to my kid.
I am planning on taking a divorce recovery class to deal with my emotions. It has been a rollercoaster.
Today is day 3 of no contact from WW. I am not sure how I should interpret the silence from her. She is probably just busy getting it on with some OM, who I'm sure she is spending NYE with. But that is all just pure jealous speculation on my part. I have not been keeping up with her comings or goings for three weeks now, despite her constant paranoid claims that I am spying on her.
I am about to start a new life. She can come along with me if she is willing to R and do the hard work. Otherwise, I will be getting a D and moving on without her. She already filed the paperwork, so now I just have to decide if I want my attorney to take things slow or move as fast as possible. Either way it's a done deal unless WW stops the process.
I feel like I'm doing a decent job of GAL. Physically, I can already tell a marked difference in my appearance from the work I've been doing. I'm back to my boot camp weight. Professionally, my career is doing well and I'm on track for great things. Mentally, I'm still working on recovery. My emotional needs are definitely not being met at all. I have a ways to go before I am over this situation. I still have moments of unfounded fear, which I'm told is part of PTSD. That [censored], and is very scary.
I have been thinking about what Sandi said about WW losing respect for me. I think it started when I got this new job sitting behind a desk, instead of being active on duty. I do not know what it will take to get her respect back. I am at a loss there, because I am never going back to the military. I haven't had a drop in career confidence, and she knows my job is going really well. I worked hard to get where I am professionally and I will not give that up for anyone because it is how I am going to support my kid.
Gaining back her respect is a tough one to strategize. I don't know what it will take.
Save yourself. Nobody is coming! BD:11/2017 Filed:12/2017 Final: 2/2018
