Hey board; just checking in. I have had radio silence from W since that last text.
There is one thing I am going to run by the board. Jan 1st is the 10th annv of her dad's passing. I will be texting her on jan 1st to let her know I am thinking about her. This is something I will do b/c it is way larger than any type of relationship issues.
Even if it does go against some principles learned here; it is something I feel strongly about as is part of my moral compass.
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
I understand what you want to do and why. If this is for you then I say go ahead. The only thing you might want to consider is not making it “thinking of you” but more of a general condolence.
What is your plan when she uses your courteous text to pull you back in? WW are selfish, and will use anything (premalignant mole, birth of sister's baby) to keep their LBHs right where they want them. Resolve to be prepared... She may feel as though you are playing games with her... and may use that to make you feel guilty, and make you feel like you need to defend your actions to her... she does this to keep the conversation going... Mis dos centavos...
East; valid point and well taken. It was a thought of condolences I just typed it without that view point.
Art; I do not want to mind read or think ahead to what she might come back with. But I do understand your valid point here. She has used guilt in the past; however I believe since it has been pointed out to me through this board - I have become more self aware of her words. Her words of guilt, manipulation, justification, validation, Etc. If she does respond I will tell myself there is no need to respond; and bring it to the board first.
I will say my piece and leave it at that. There is no need to be dragged into a R talk without her remorse and commitment. I still stand by that.
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Chris, it has been ten years! You are not part of her life right now, so stop trying to be. Stop trying to find an excuse to contact this woman and let it go. You post every line she texts you. I get the idea you are hoping we'll finally find one that deserves a reply.
Block her phone. Until you do, she has you by the b@lls, and she knows it, we know it, everyone knows it but you (and possibly Gordie... ) Stop deceiving yourself.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I agree with Sandi2... If you are going NC, then go NC... To go NC, and ignore her texts, but then text her when you feel like it, and then go NC again (which means ignoring her, because she will likely respond to you) seems cruel to me, like you are playing games (not that you are, but it may seem that way to her). Leave her be... Leave her alone...
Dangit really? Say nothing? I’m having real trouble with saying nothing. I understand your point; but dang. I know if I say nothing I’m going to get wrath.
....and there is my fear kicking in. I’m frightful she will be mad at me; what the heck is that?! I thought I was over that.
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
I’m curious bc I asked the board in September if I should reach out for her dads bday with a short message and you (board) said it was ok. But now it is not.
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
) Stop deceiving yourself.