Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 12, D on hold

[PsySara]

Thanks for stopping by guys, I appreciate it. Things are good and things are bland. We haven't really got to have any break through moments but we have had a lot of nice moments. The kids have been enjoying their time off from school and I've been working and then enjoying the laid back atmosphere at home. I find myself in my self imposed limbo. WH has been honest with me (even when the truth isn't "good") and says he also is missing that "spark." WE're not trying to force it but I find myself hungry for natural affection. WH has been commenting here and there on my appearance but things seem stilted between us.

I don't know...I just don't know what to do now. Things are so much better between us but we're more like friendly roommates than a loving married couple. Sometimes I wonder if we'll ever recover from his affair? Will he ever come to remorse and will I be able to move past it. Mind movies still happen sometimes and I get so angry. I stopped lashing out but now sadness just permeates my bones when I think about us. It will never be the same, and I mean that in the sense that I felt we were special. I thought I was special to him and irreplaceable. I know that isn't true anymore, that he can simply replace me with someone younger and more malleable. I wish I knew someone in real life that was able to recover their marriage and ask them how they were able to feel that sense of...fate? for each other? Forgive me while I just journal my thoughts about my musings.