I think, reading your post a couple of times, you are struggling with the same concept I struggle with, which is loving detachment.
Sorry, am not going to be much help here, but will try, hopefully one of the vets will pick this up. Or shout out to Joejoe again - I remember him having an extremely good take on it. Maybe read his thread from start to finish?
My take on it is that you shouldn't ignore her if she's feeling sad because that would be cruel. You profess to love this woman so if she's suffering, to stand aloof and disinterested would be hurtful to her. But at the same time you don't want to be jumping around her like a puppy and have it look like her mood affects your mood. I would say treat her like a friend, but not a very close friend, at this stage - does that make sense? So don't let her mood get you down, be your best self, show her there's more to your life than her in it, be relaxed and cool and not stressed by what may or may not be happening with her and OM.
There's a lot of advice about how LBHs should treat WWs and I'm not sure what to say about this. It's quite a specific approach.
