Thanks Jim for the support, sometimes I feel like I am walking the Green Mile. Should I stick it out, should I just file myself, am I being played for a chump, etc. etc. We are technically D'd without the paperwork, finances separated, agreed upon financial terms when she moved out, alternating weeks with the kids. There are really no positive signs whatsoever outside of we are friendly and cordial to eachother. Then you most of the sitch's you read don't turn out very well at all and even after Dbing for a year or longer the LBS ultimately suffers the same fate.
Anyways I do think about the stuff, when is the right time, the consequences. Then I also think that with two young kids she was done at BD and has never had any intentions of coming home. For a lot of us that is the sad reality of this process. I think someone WS are scared and throw the D word out there but don't really mean it and there is a chance for the LBS while others who say it 100% mean it and they never look back.
I still have more to ponder but unfortunately I don't have all the answers. Off to the gym!!!
I never considered myself a bad husband, maybe naive in the love languages and nuiances of MR but never a bad husband.....
I never cheated on my W, hit her, verbally abused her, gave her ultimatims, I never controlled her with sex, money. She pretty much got to do what she wanted when she wanted. I helped with the kids, took them to school, would pick them up from school, attended their practices, games, etc. I was never out late at the bars, kept her informed of when I was going to be home, if I was running late, etc. I paid all the bills, made sure we were never over extended, etc. I worked out, played basketball 3 days a week and would other guys out occassionaly for a few beers after work. She told me I was her rock and the best sex she had ever had but yet here I am....
to my W our kids came first, she came 2nd and I got whatever scraps where leftover.
Yup #meToo# lol
M-45 W-32 D-10 D-8 Together 11 years Married 6 years Separated 6/2017 ILYBINILWY 11/2016 (also nov 2011) EA 11/16 PA Same time?? NC, detachment started 12/11/17 D aug 2019
Thanks Vaps, I feel good and deep down inside I do realize this. For some reason the longer this goes on the harder limbo becomes. So when I think about the bonus part of this journey I find my patience is starting to wear thin.
So I get an apology from my W today for leaving me hanging on Christmas. My parents are coming into town today and we were coordinating pick up times. I asked her about a couple of gift cards our girls got I and made a comment the I almost lost them on Christmas Day with all the paper flying around. She responded with an LOL and apologized for leaving me hanging. I just told her no worries, it was cool and that the girls had fun.
I about fell out...I got an apology????? The tin man does have a heart. Truthfully she didn't need to apologize.
Most likely guilt is driving that apology. She didn't need to apologize to you, but your daughters. She let them down and decided to not be there for them. They're not going to get that, but that's who the recipients of the apology should've been.
Good that you're holding it down. Btw, my W has also done some things here and there recently that I believe are out of guilt. Back in the day, I would've gobbled those crumbs to mean something else. Good on you for keeping going.
He told me my W commented that I would thank in her 10 years. I guess meaning waiting to do this until our children were grown and out of the house which is what his W did to him.
My MLC W has made comments that made me feel like she is doing me a favor by wanting a divorce. Comments like,"How could you have possibly been happy in our relationship?". Do you think her comment to you friend was in that vein?
Truthfully she didn't need to apologize.