Last night we were watching TV alone and I told my W I wanted to speak to her. I said, "I don't know what you think about our current situation, but I don't want to live as roommates. The choice is yours, but we can either be a married couple or separated. If you want to be married, I want you to tell me what that means to you. I think we almost have to start over. You don't have to tell me know, I'm in no rush ..."
She told me she was telling me now that she didn't want to be married. Interestingly she never uses the word divorce.
I told her "it is sad" and she agreed and said it is "extremely sad" . I then told her I was disappointed in her. I got up and left, and she asked why I was disappointed and I just said because.
I went to the MBR and then into the hot tub. She went to the bathroom and then to the couch.
I was and still am surprising calm and non-emotional about this.
My W was up early and came into the MBR to change her clothes and use the bathroom. Her coming into the MBR every morning and night is awkward and bothers me. So when I woke up I moved all her stuff to the guest room. She was out buying pastries for breakfast. When she got home, she wasn't happy about me moving her stuff. The guest room doesn't have as much space for all her clothes.
She asked to talk to me after breakfast. She told me again that I'm not the enemy and that she was unhappy about me moving her stuff. She said now we have to tell the children. I told her that I don't agree we have to tell the children yet because it is too early. We'll be living together for at least several months. She said the kids have not noticed that she is not sleeping in the MBR. Now they will. I said we only have to tell the kids that Mommy and Daddy are not getting alone right now, and Mommy wants to sleep outside in the guest room. My W essentially wants to tell the kids we're getting divorced. I told her I would think about it. I didn't agree we had to tell the kids now.
Then she try to propose to me a living arrangement.
W: The best thing for our kids is if nothing in their lives change, they sleep in the same bed, go to school, etc. Me: I agree W: ... not sure exactly what she said, but beating around the bush instead of just telling me .. Me: W, just tell me directly what you want instead of me having to read your mind W: We can keep living together in the same house. Me: You mean, we are divorced but continue living together in the same house? W: Yes, it can be done. Me: No. W: Well then things won't stay the same for the kids. Me: No, they won't W: Again telling me I'm not the enemy and she doesn't hate me. Me: I know you don't hate me, I understand
I think walk away to end the conversation and she follows.
W: So what do you want to do? It seems you have a plan. Me: No, I don't have a plan. I'm not going to do anything.
I know I'm not validating her, in fact whenever she wants to discuss feelings I cut her off. I am also not trying to be mean, although I acknowledge moving her stuff out is mean too.
Any advice on telling the kids at this point? In our state a divorce takes 6 months once the first petition is filed.
