Newbie trying to gain control

[Gordie]

I had a long respond that got lost. Short version:

It’s okay not to know how you feel or feel contradictory things or change your mind on things. It’s all normal given your circumstances. Feel everything and process it and express it—let it out.

Happy Birthday! Yours was a tricky situation but have no expectations of your w. If she acts normal. Ok. If she is cold. Ok. If she doesn’t show up. Ok. You get the point. Just take care of you and let her do her own thing.