Based on what you write, I think you have a decent shot at a reconnected marriage - but it kind of depends on her and her realizations - the issue is that it could take longer than what you are going to wait, like described in the article (even though she doesn't have an AP). But at least you seem to have a solid ground and she really seems to be lost.
Regardless, you have shown quite a bit of growth, you realize your shortcomings and traits which require improvement. You will be a superb partner in the future regardless who you are going to be with.
In my thirties, BDd 2017, divorced 2 young kids new relationship
My youngest is 9 so it has been 9 years of my needs coming last which entailed me to invest nothing in her needs hence, here I am.
Dude I can totally relate, eventually I just kinda shut down as well. TBH though I never addressed how I felt because of fear of what would happen. I realize now I should have. Nothing was going to get better with that attitude so for that I am guilty.
I remember trying to initiate sex and getting the I am tired and after taking care of the kids and myself I don't want any more responsibility to take care of you. Essentially the stars, the moon and the sun had to be aligned to make it happen or it was a quickie at 7:30 pm with bedroom door locked and the kids watching TV. Then when we didn't have the kids around she just wanted to lay around in her PJ's and not do anything.
I think AS said something once that the only difference between us and them is that they just acted on their feelings first.
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The dating poll is going to be filled with a lot of WWs jilted by there young affair partners lol! Lucky us lol!
There is definately not going to be shortage that's for sure. Hopefully they are out of the fog by the time we find them!
Based on what you write, I think you have a decent shot at a reconnected marriage - but it kind of depends on her and her realizations - the issue is that it could take longer than what you are going to wait, like described in the article (even though she doesn't have an AP). But at least you seem to have a solid ground and she really seems to be lost.
I don't pull any punches around here, everything I say is not fabricated. That is the beauty of working through your issues on the board I have no reason to lie. If I had to guess I am sure she has had a few flings......TBH though I kinda knew it was going to happen. IMO there would be no way for her to realize what she had lost or to find out what kind of husband/father I am without talking/getting to know, or whatever with other men.
To her credit she is not rubbing it in my face or exposing my children to them if it is happening and just over the top disrespecting me as what is happening with other sitch's.
Ic your not the first person to say I have shot but I will need to be more patient than I have ever been before. I think some of this comes easy to me because I am a pretty laid back person and it takes a lot to get me fired up and angry....hence I can lovingly detach like a champ!
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Regardless, you have shown quite a bit of growth, you realize your shortcomings and traits which require improvement. You will be a superb partner in the future regardless who you are going to be with.
I hope so and I plan on continuing to seek council from the board when I feel as though I am being weak with my shortcomings!
I always thought I was a good partner before but hopefully now I will be even better!!
I had it explained to me in a very simple terms from a good friend. He never understood his last divorce until he was at the ranch on his four wheeler and going through his normal routine. He was on his trail, when all of a sudden for no reason he just takes a left and leaves the paved trail. He felt alive and for the first time excited because he didnt know what was going to come next. He just needed to leave the rut of his normal routine. This may or may not be happening to you, but I believe if people were told the truth about marriage from an early age instead of being sold a fairy tale prince charming on white horse, people would be better prepared for the waves marriages go through.
I like the video of "it's always sunny in philadelphia charlie wildcard" scene. If you havent seen it youtube it.
My marriage was like yours in the case that i never abused her, and was a good husband and father, just didnt take the nagging seriously enough, because there wasnt enough in my eyes to see concern. I have learned now that any nagging is serious and shouldnt be taken for granted.
Best thing we can do is learn from our mistakes, and become a better person.
M:43 W:33 M:10 T:11 D:6 BD 8/12/17 Divorce Final 1/23/2019
He felt alive and for the first time excited because he didnt know what was going to come next. He just needed to leave the rut of his normal routine.
I agree I think this is definately in play and also I really great analogy. Towards the end my W was stressed out about everything and all she wanted to do was escape. She couldn't handle the normal stresses of every day life and I think she felt like she was in a rut. Even the dogs were in her crosshairs
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My marriage was like yours in the case that i never abused her, and was a good husband and father, just didnt take the nagging seriously enough, because there wasnt enough in my eyes to see concern.
We won't let that happen again will we
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Best thing we can do is learn from our mistakes, and become a better person.
I had a similar situation, my W is very needy in terms of affection and expected the butterflies in her tummy to continue forever.
When our M evolved into a stable R, I felt far deeper connected to her. She could never make the switch.
I believe part of the reason she's currently WW is because she was missing the butterflies (combined with all the other factors).
Truthbuster.
Married 4.5, Together 6 M: 36, W: 33, no kids Separation date: 7/8/2017 Bomb dropped: 8/18/2017 Last communication: 1/8/2018 - now nothing OM confirmed - now ended (?)
I never considered myself a bad husband, maybe naive in the love languages and nuiances of MR but never a bad husband.....
I never cheated on my W, hit her, verbally abused her, gave her ultimatims, I never controlled her with sex, money. She pretty much got to do what she wanted when she wanted. I helped with the kids, took them to school, would pick them up from school, attended their practices, games, etc. I was never out late at the bars, kept her informed of when I was going to be home, if I was running late, etc. I paid all the bills, made sure we were never over extended, etc. I worked out, played basketball 3 days a week and would other guys out occassionaly for a few beers after work. She told me I was her rock and the best sex she had ever had but yet here I am....
to my W our kids came first, she came 2nd and I got whatever scraps where leftover.
Except for the ultimatums (I'm learning, and I own that), your post could have been written by me, too.
A few months in, though, I am starting to wonder why I want to reconcile. For scraps?
I think you're doing great. Keep it up.
M:23 T:26 Me:53, Wife: 60 S:18 D:16 filed 7/16 W moved out 4/28/17
