Gordie #15: closing the cake shop

[Gordie]

Journaling:

So stbx initiated a discussion because of my actions to move out. She expressed some remorse about things she has never expressed remorse about. She took responsibility for some of her actions that led to the collapse of our M. She agreed that our R was getting better pre b d but felt like it was improving too slowly (too little, too late). She said she needs more time to think about what she wants. She says she can’t give herself fully to OM2 because she is still in love with me. She doesn’t consider her activities post b d as cheating because “we are getting D”...and said she wouldn’t consider it cheating if I wanted to be with OW (she assumed that when I went out on overnights I was fooling around). She said I am still her best friend and she misses talking to me. Being with OM2 is a gift that makes me realize how much I still love and care about you. I keep thinking about all of the good times we have had together and how amazing our R was for the first 10+ years...and can it be like that again or better? She recognized that her actions were hurting her R with the teens. She asked why I didn’t try after b d to fix things.

My response: I do not believe in open marriage. Living with you while you are in a R with OM2 is soul crushing. I have to leave to preserve some measure of self respect and self dignity. I will not be in a taste test/bake off with OM2. I thought we were working on our R pre b d. You were finally telling me what you wanted in our R and we were actively improving them (more time together, better and more frequent sex, Gordie more actively parenting and helping around the house, etc). The b d was a big f*** y** that all of these efforts to change and improve our R meant nothing to you. That no matter what I did, you had already set your course for D and pursuing OM1. The questions you are asking yourself about your conflicted feelings about what you want in life and our R...only you can answer. This is your D. The decision was all yours. You decided to file. You have to sign to finish it. Only you can decide what you want to do but I’ve made my own decision to move out. I don’t like talking to you anymore because it hurts. It is a reminder that you have fired me as your H and lover. I gave her very specific things I did to fix things after b d but after she rejected all of my words and actions to pursue OM1...I gave up.