[BrightFuture]

Hello my fellow DBers! It’s been a while since my last update. I’ve been following some of the threads, but just didn’t have much motivation to post on mine. And, I’ve been pretty busy with work and other things in my life.

There are not too much changes in my situation or life in general. Except for no college tuition payments anymore, LOL, since my son graduated. H and I are still in the same status quo. He doesn’t file and I don’t file. We still have the same business ties and some other joint accounts. He had to re-new his sentri pass and asked me if I still had any bills on his name, since they normally ask for the proof of residency. Lucky man, I still have two bills on his name, LOL. It looks like H still has nobody in his life. I don’t either.

I was at the vacation home a few times last summer and fall, one time with my sister and nephew. All the time I stayed at the joint condo, which H calls “his” . He seemed to not mind me staying there. Even made sure it is cleaned, and apologized for the holes in the dry wall from the water leaks. Well, when I stay at the joint condo and my own condo rents for the same time, I give H a small amount of the rent that I get, to compensate for the utilities that I use. It works for me, as I get some rental money. Not sure what is there for H. Could be that little money that he gets from me. I guess it must be worth it, to have my presence in “his” condo, LOL.

Not sure where H’s relationship with that crazy woman at the vacation home are. Haven’t seen her all summer (which was great) and haven’t heard much. My mutual friends told me that H was not invited to her Thanksgiving dinner this year, as she had a bunch of family. So H told everyone that he spent the Thanksgiving with my mutual friends, while he was at a bar by himself and then went home. Not sure, why this was such a big secrecy.

Just read my post from last year about the Christmas party that H and I were both invited at the vacation place. What a difference. This year we both were invited to two parties, both of which had very limited crowd. The first party was just the hosting couple, our mutual friends with their 5-year-old, H and myself. There were another adult and 2 more kids at the second party. To my surprise (kind of…), H had no hesitation coming to the parties. I think last year (when he had some concerns) proved that there is nothing to worry about, that I don’t bite, LOL, and I’m not trying to make his life miserable.

It was natural and surreal at the same time. We talked like “normal” people. I treated him like another person I know (stopping short here for calling him a friend), and I think he treated me the same. I didn’t notice any extra interest in me, or him watching me, or any regret, or anything like that. I tried to look at him closer when he was not watching, out of curiosity… I guess we are both great actors, hahaha. He did ask me about my parents and how they are doing… He brought up, once again, a concert we both went to in the first couple years of our marriage. He asked me if I remember what was the opening band for that concert. Funny, he mentioned the same concert either last year or year before when we both ended up at our mutual friends’ house. Is he trying to re-live these times? If he is, he is stuck waaaaayyyy behind. Anyway, I could not remember the opening band. Was it a test to see how much of our life back then I remember?

Before I left for the vacation home last week (to stay at my own condo this time, since he was going there as well), he texted me if he could ship a box to my house. I don’t know why he could not ship it to his brother’s house, my BIL, who lives in the same neighborhood. There is some tension going on between two of them, I guess. I replied that he could ship it, but I would not be home, since I had to leave for the vacation home before that. He asked me to give him a code to the garage, since he “didn’t remember” if he had a key to the house. I’m pretty sure he does have a key, as I didn’t change the locks. So, he came to collect his box without me. I wish I was a fly on the wall to see if he went through the house to check it out.

I asked him if he could pick up a ceiling fan I bought for my condo, when he picked up his box. I bought two ceiling fans, but could only fit one in my car, since I was bringing some goods for my friends at the vacation home. He said that he could. So, he brought the fan with him. I didn’t ask about the fan at the first party we were at. He asked me about it at the second party (he has it in his car) and if I had anybody to install it. I said that I would pick it up from him, but I have nobody to install it yet. So, he said that he could do it for me. Yay! It solved my problem with the ceiling fans. I would have to hire somebody to install the fans for me, but H volunteered. One caveat here, obviously he didn’t want to do it while I was at the condo, he said that he would coordinate with our mutual friend who has a key to my condo. But, I don’t care. It actually worked better for me too, as I just enjoyed my time there, and still having the ceiling fans installed.

In one of the conversations, he mentioned that he tells people that he lives in Mexico and all that stuff. Nobody doubted him that he considers his home (condo) to be in Mexico. Not sure why he needed to mention it, nobody was trying to convince him that he lived elsewhere, LOL. Even thought, he has to go back to work in January, in one of the coldest states. He hates cold, but he needs to make some money for leaving. It means, he could spend almost the entire next year working, away from the vacation home. So, where is the home, H? Well, it was your choice… At least you don’t have to deal with this nasty wife anymore… who you still don’t want to divorce…

Overall, I still think there are no changes in my sitch, generally. I just don’t analyze things in a deep level anymore, I make observations. I bet other people could notice more in our interactions, but I just don't care. I think this is just somewhat a new normal for me and H, as we have the same friends and these friendships tend to last and develop. I think it could all change if one or both of us get a partner. At this point, I think there is no chance for H to come around, he is just too stubborn, and I think I would not like some of his trends (behaviors) anymore anyway. I think he might feel better with our recent interactions, as the way I behave probably helps him to feel less gilt. Or, whatever… I would still like to hear some regret one day. But, I’m not counting on this. I’m very self-sufficient and independent (I just recently re-done the caulking in my bathroom, all by myself ), but I would love to have someone nice in my life to share the moments with, and it doesn’t look like it is going to be H.

Happy New Year everyone!