2. The true greatness achieved is when no [censored] are given. It takes time. It took me more than a year and a half. I am a slow learner though.
3. The reality will hit you. The lowest point is yet to come, so do not panic over it. Your emotion will sway and it will continue for a time. But it will get better, the down periods will be shorter and less frequent.
4. Stop texting and messaging W. Matters pertaining to the kids exclusive.
5. Take a look at No.1. Yeah, she really is.
6. Become the best friggin dad ever! Spend time with the kids, teach them stuff, take them places...
7. Get in shape, it will be good for your body and your mind.
Another you gambled £820k, response by the G 'that was My money'. Response by the judge 'no such thing you squandered marital assets!'
M-45 W-32 D-10 D-8 Together 11 years Married 6 years Separated 6/2017 ILYBINILWY 11/2016 (also nov 2011) EA 11/16 PA Same time?? NC, detachment started 12/11/17 D aug 2019
Yeah, I've accepted that it is the case, finally. 100% of posters here agree with you. I kinda knew for going on a year now but I trusted my wife implicitly as she lied to my face. Now I know, its a kind of relief. I'm not the complete piece of crap I thought I was, I blamed myself for everything but I'm glad that I really, really tried to make things better over the last year but she was long gone.
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2. The true greatness achieved is when no [censored] are given. It takes time. It took me more than a year and a half. I am a slow learner though. smile
Yep, getting there. Took my wedding ring off 2 weeks ago. In my mind its over, what she has done and continues to do saddens me but it doesnt hurt the way it used to do. I'm detaching from even imagining her and OM together. Not initiating any conversation, texts, emails etc Just keeping it to organizing kids schedules.
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6. Become the best friggin dad ever! Spend time with the kids, teach them stuff, take them places...
That is the best thing that has come out of all this. We are having an absolute blast. I have them for 2 weeks during the days and 3-4 nights a week. They way prefer being with me(I know its not a competition) but its the truth. They just watch TV there. We're going for long cycles, playing sports, board games, hanging out with friends, watching old movies together.
A few notes now that my fog has been lifted.
I'm really starting to see her bad points, how she made me feel in the relationship. She disempowered me as I couldnt parent the girls the way I wanted. I am doing it now and the results are really showing. I'm strict but loving. I dont let them get away with much and we spend way less time on devices and TV in general. I'm good with money but she just ridiculed me when I said that we should take it easy with holidays and buying new cars etc. We now have huge amounts of credit card and car payments that didnt need to happen and was a source of stress. I'm already getting my own cards down to a manageable level but I know she is all over the place with her finances.
I was driving with the girls and we were talking nonchalantly about possible divorce. They were asking me questions. I said nothing would change that much, we are in separate houses anyway, we both love them. We have an easy going 50/50 parenting split. Divorce no longer scares me, we're definitely on that road although I'm the only one who has brought it up seriously.
I do wonder whats going on in W 's head since I've completely checked out. Is she going to move in with OM? Are my girls going to be officially introduced to him? Is she THAT serious about him after all now that she's lost me? I know exactly my plans for the next few months but I wonder what she's going to do? Its interesting.. hmmm
One last question for you DB'ers. I have told 2 close male friends that I'm sure W is having an affair. They were not surprised. I also told my closest sibling but I said not for her to tell anyone. Sooo, my mom and dad are coming over to the US for a 5 week holiday and staying with me. They're elderly and I dont want to upset them too much but I know they'll be asking questions. I'm at the point now where I dont feel the need to tell anybody anymore but I think I should let them know that I'm dissapointed in my W and leave it at that and they can make their own assumptions?
Its going to be kinda tricky because they're probably going to spend a few days with my W's parents. They all get on great. I particularly love my father in law and miss seeing him. He even said 6 months ago that he hated my W's job and that it had changed her. His own wife cheated on him so I'm sure he knew the signs.
Anyway, back to my girls. Have a great day everyone!
M-45 W-32 D-10 D-8 Together 11 years Married 6 years Separated 6/2017 ILYBINILWY 11/2016 (also nov 2011) EA 11/16 PA Same time?? NC, detachment started 12/11/17 D aug 2019
Sooo, my mom and dad are coming over to the US for a 5 week holiday and staying with me. They're elderly and I dont want to upset them too much but I know they'll be asking questions. I'm at the point now where I dont feel the need to tell anybody anymore but I think I should let them know that I'm dissapointed in my W and leave it at that and they can make their own assumptions?
My grandmother use to tell us that she could deal with the truth. What she could not deal with was us keeping the truth from her, thinking we were protecting her.
How much you tell your parents is up to you. They are your parents and you know how they will probably respond. If you don't tell them enough, they may pressure you to pursue your W (thinking that will get you back together). IMHO, they should know that you are the offended spouse, and that you were very hurt and extremely disappointed by your W.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
IMHO, they should know that you are the offended spouse, and that you were very hurt and extremely disappointed by your W.
Yes, Sandi, they'll know. I'll be vague although I told my mom a few months back about W's relationship with boss. Even she thought it was weird. The best thing they can see is their son doing well right now and their grand-daughters healthy and happy.
Met W at my house today after her work. She was taking girls as I have work tonight. Our relationship has changed to a new less stressful holding pattern and I'm doing well. Have made NC for 2 days and she emailed me today twice but just about the girls and school. I was pleasant and to the point in my replies. We've gone from arguing and her screaming at me a week ago via text/email to this situation where she is very polite and its very businesslike. She still is the one that initiates hugs but they're pretty meaningless and just friendly. Before I would have been reading into everything she was doing, the way she talked, looked at me, hugged me. NC and detachment is working for ME. Helping me regain self control and confidence.
I find it beneficial to build myself up to our meetings now. I think of her lies, her affairs and what she's done and then its much easier. I have been nicer, less hostile but distant.
Onwards and upwards. :-)
M-45 W-32 D-10 D-8 Together 11 years Married 6 years Separated 6/2017 ILYBINILWY 11/2016 (also nov 2011) EA 11/16 PA Same time?? NC, detachment started 12/11/17 D aug 2019
If asked I might say something like "I didn't choose this road, and I am committed to marriage in all but a few extreme situations; unfortunately this road was given to me and I have been faced with one of those situations. I'd prefer to leave it there as my goal is to avoid unnecessary damage to the relationships and family that remain."
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
"I didn't choose this road, and I am committed to marriage in all but a few extreme situations; unfortunately this road was given to me and I have been faced with one of those situations. I'd prefer to leave it there as my goal is to avoid unnecessary damage to the relationships and family that remain."
I like this.
I know my parents are going to figure it out anyway, it will be made clear to them without going into details. I think my W wants us to all to hang out when they come over but that is SO not happening. She's going to know the consequences of her actions and lies. She's lost her husband, she's lost my family. Her decision, her loss, I think she's finally going to get a wakeup call.
M-45 W-32 D-10 D-8 Together 11 years Married 6 years Separated 6/2017 ILYBINILWY 11/2016 (also nov 2011) EA 11/16 PA Same time?? NC, detachment started 12/11/17 D aug 2019
Another you gambled £820k, response by the G 'that was My money'. Response by the judge 'no such thing you squandered marital assets!'
I don't want to hijack but that's the sum
1. Proceeds of the sale of his house £350k 2. His salary for 4.5 years less the sum he put into our joint account which he wants back £206k 3. His redundancy £108k 4. His pension scheme lump sums £185k 5. Money he took from our joint accounts
I have reducedited this by his living expenses, purchases of 2 expensive cars
This is a no fault D country, so it doesn't matter. The judge awarded him a lump sum because he now has Nothing! 10% of the FHM because 1. He has no assets 2. He has limited pension 3. He has a fin capital need 4. The judge didn't believe I had been abused as V is very strong and lacks credibility to the court, her story of abuse is likely made up! 5. V is capable of high earning (despite being 63 and WH being 'incapable' of work and 60) 6. V can afford it as she has assets....... 7. WH was 'brave' in owning up to compulsive gamblingredients to the court 8. He has no housing need as he is living with the BIT in her house 9. We were M for 9 months until S together 4 years 10. I am 'this woman' and 'that woman' but the judge didn't call WH 'this man' or 'that man' 11. WH used a fake lawyer who owed me £45k
So a wasteful wayward who does such awful stuff is awarded funds from a prudent LBS. In a no fault system at the point of settlement the wayward has needs but the more stable LBS has these.
The no fault system is biased against the more stable LBS with assets.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
