Adjusting to being a LBS....

[Zues126]

V, I like your distinction between anger and rage. It makes sense that anger can be healthy and productive and that rage is more destructive.

My point is we are all human and I think it's easy to be too hard on ourselves. I can't speak for women but there isn't a man I know who hasn't become enraged and lost his temper on some occasion. I don't believe this alone indicates someone is a bad man or abusive. This isn't to say that there aren't raging men that are abusive, just that not every man that has lost his temper is.

I at one point was taken in with her words that I was a horrible bad man that drove XW away from me because I was abusive and scary and failed in my duty to cherish and protect and instead made her feel scared and woke up her PTSD from an angry father. It sounds like a plausible narrative, until one day I looked in the mirror at myself and I woke up and called foul. I don't buy it anymore. I'm not suggesting that every piece was entirely fabricated or that it doesn't sound plausible, but put together in that package it wasn't even close to true. This was coming from a vengeful WW that has since accused me of being responsible for our miscarriage due to an alleged drug habit and much other craziness. I allowed myself to be shamed and manipulated (with the hope of self punishing myself back into a marriage) into believing it. XW has hurt me enough, I'm not going to join forces with her to hurt myself further.

It's all about balance. Healthy anger vs rage. Humility on one hand, confidence in who we are and what we are here to do on the other. Even being in balance and being out of balance is a human balance. We know we'll never be perfect but not letting that stop us from being our best. Thanks V.