Irritated today. XW has D in Florida with OM's family, which is fine. I even got a few pictures texted to me yesterday of D, along with a few updates on what she was doing, which was also nice. D is even Facetiming me when she calls (which is something that never happens when W has her). The part that is annoying me is that W is sitting with D while she's on the phone with me, and I can't have a conversation with my daughter.
Me: "Hi sweetie, did you have a good day?"
D: "I did, I--" XW: "She did, she had a lot of fun!"
Me: "Mommy said you ate alligator and went on a boat?? Wow!"
D: "Yeah! And I--" XW: "She held a baby alligator today!"
Whole conversation went like that. D starts to talk, XW interrupts her, and I have to listen to her talk instead of D.
Tell her. You bottling it up will just enrage you...
Trying not to bottle it up. Also don't know how to have this conversation with her. I have zero trust over anything, things have devolved that much, and anything I ever say just escalates the situation. V says "parallel parent" and that's what I'm trying.
There's also "don't let her press your buttons" and that's also what I'm trying. If I complain about what she's doing, I just let her see that she can still push buttons.
There is a way to do it without without complaining or blaming.
"exW, I am not sure if you realize it, but you keep answering the questions I am asking D. I know you are both excited for your fun times, but do you mind if I have a conversation alone with her?"
Or........ Since you have your D majority of the time and this will happen once in every blue moon and you know you can talk to her one on one when she gets home, you can drop it and not actually let it bother you, because its not worth it.
I, personally, have always let my D have her time with her father without phone calls. She has her own phone now (she is 10) and I don't need to go through ex. And I still let D10 be...... but it turns out she loves calling, facetiming me, and texting when she is at her dad's. Heck, I love it too, but I leave it to her to decide. I'll send a goodnight text, but I don't interrupt their time to together. And let me tell you, at 6 years old, I got a hi and and bye as did her father. he rarely called anyways.
I've got to say, though, you guys need a permanent parenting plan to avoid any confrontation, or confusion, or he said, she said. You make your time yours and her time hers.
Hi, EastTN... That would annoy me! How about saying something like this to your daughter after your ExW interrupts, "hey Sweetie, I want to hear all about your exciting adventures, and I want to tell you all about mine... Why don't we share when we are togethe--in person, okay?"
I just got D back tonight. I haven't seen her in two weeks. I was supposed to have her back Wednesday, but they closed school Thursday and Friday because it was going to be "too cold" (in the 20s. Gotta love the south). I asked XW if she wanted to keep D the extra two days, since she'd have had her this weekend anyway. She said yes.
And... today, three hours before I am supposed to get D, I get this text out of the blue:
Quote:
EastTN, I have to let you know something. I know your have your thoughts and ways and that you don't think I'm a good mom for "tearing" the family apart or whatever it is that you have against me. But there's one thing I've done right and knew I would always do for D since I got pregnant and that's always making sure she will be happy!
Yes I am stern with her, which I don't have to be much anymore since I taught her since she could understand. But she's happy and she will only ever have 1 mom and 1 dad. With that said, I have to show you this smile that she's had since Christmas. She's been upset a few times because she hasn't got her way but I just tell her she has to learn that she won't always get what she wants and definitely not when she whines about it. You know how she is...
I just want you to know that I made the right decisions these past few months and definitely did this time almost a year ago. There was some things that I took your word on and didn't understand fully (like the custody stuff being the main thing) but after that's settled which I hope you will see that half and half time is what's best for us all especially D. Here's is the picture that I think you will appreciate.
It's a picture of OM holding D.
I was f***ing shattered by that. She thinks I'll appreciate that? What the hell? What the hell is wrong with her? "She made the right decisions." Having an affair. Using me. Lying to me. Screwing with my head. False reconciliation. That was the "right" thing to do.
I'm so angry. I'm so hurt. I'm HAPPY that this "person" isn't my wife anymore, I'm pretty much happy with my life except for the time I don't get to see D, and the time I don't get to see GF because we're still taking things slow bringing her into D's life, but god that crap HURTS.
What the **** is wrong with her? What the hell did I do to deserve this [censored]? I wasn't the best husband in the world. Passive. Lazy. Not very attractive. But for the love of god, does that rate this kind of punishment?
I also admit I'm jealous. XW got her payout from my 401k last week. My retirement is being used for gastric bypass. She's living the life she wants without giving a damn about anything. She lives with OM. OM is fully integrated into D's life.
Meanwhile, I've got $10k of legal bills, I'm exhausted from worrying about being the perfect single parent, I don't get to see GF nearly as much as I want, and any "overnights" with D in the house are MONTHS in the future because I refuse to put my own wants before what I think are D's needs, and I'm still worried that XW is going to somehow take D away, and then move to Florida, and that makes me sad beyond belief everytime I think about it.
It's nasty stuff, you know what it is. Designed to hurt.
Gastric bypass huh? Sounds like a problem unless it's for OM?
If so I hope the nasty little worm gets a strangulation hernia around his vas deferens.
Relax East from what I can see you are the more stable sensible parent. And taking it slow with your gf is possibly a good thing too. Take your time, relax it's going to be ok.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
