Adjusting to being a LBS....

[Subitai]

I am in IC right now, for PTSD and the anger. My therapist likes to talk about PTSD sufferers coming from high conflict families having a baseline fight or flight respose set higher than others. 1 is calm, 10 is fighting for your life. I have been going through life never being much calmer than a 3 or 4 unless under extrodinairy circumstances. My therapy is focused on resetting my physiological responses and baes state so that I can not be afraid of my anger and of losing control of it. It is a process. I don’t want to pass this on to my kids and have them have the same issues.

We are still on xmas at the parents. It has gone very well. We even had a long talk about where things are going and she cried a bit and said she felt guilty. Which is a change from her locked down robot goong forward and get it done mental state lately. She even talked about how there may be ‘other paths’ forward for us, and who knows if we might wind up together again. I said that I agree, but I need to focus on getting in a good place for myself and for the kids so I can be a good dad and co-parent, and that I don’t want to assign hopes or plans for our future relationship beyond that because it is too mesy and hard.

Beyond that, we have been very friendly, even a little flirty. I told my brother and sister in law, and asked them to be kind and lend her a sympathetic ear if she needed it. The first night here my parents did not make her feel welcome, but it was a very short night since we got in late. I talked to both of them in person about things in our family past I needed to because of therapy and asked them tomtry harder for my W and especially for the kids. They did, and things have been much easier for her. Even fun!

She says she is confused and sad, but I am not pushing her. I am trying to give her space to think and to feel safe. Doing this has actually made me a lot calmer about the upcoming separation and co-parenting. I am less panicky and less likely tomstart crying.

She is a great person, and I hope she finds a way through this that, just like I need to find a way through it.

An interesting thing she said was that she feels like she doesn’t know me because of all the stuff I am digging up out of my past, and I agreed and said it feels like I don’t know all of myself and am finding new things out, too.

She showed a lot of interest in my IC and what I have been saying to my parents. She is in playing cards with the extended family while I get the kids down right now.

This trip has gone very well. I have talked to my family more and more openly than I have in decades. I am making plans for a summer trip with my brother to reconnect more.

I am making progress on me.