Gordie #15: closing the cake shop

[Gordie]

LH19: IMO the number one thing that is keeping you from reconciliation is the fact that she knows she can have you back whenever she wants. The quicker you change her perception the quicker you recon. If you don't change that perception this could go on for years. How can you change it?

job: I agree w/LH19...your wife knows that she still has you on the hook and she thinks that if she finds the magical words, you'll jump over fire to be w/her. She needs to see that you aren't playing around here and are moving forward. She needs to realize that you aren't going to change your mind about open marriage and I would end that discuss each and every time she brings it up. She's in la la land and the sooner she faces the consequences of her actions, the better.

Life Twists: You need to take action to no longer feeling trapped. If your lawyer says its alright to move out the get going. Make appointments to look at new places. You need to take action for yourself at this point. You have already stated that you will not stay in an open marriage. The only way for you right now is to get going and get out. Why would you stay there in an un healthy situation? Why wouldn't you find a healthy situation for you and your kids? Right now you are feeling helpless. You need to change this by taking action. Standing for your marriage does not mean accepting being abused in the fashion you are enduring at this point. You are only a hero for standing and taking this abuse up to a certain point, after that you become a self made martyr. Don't become a martyr. We are all here in support of you Gordie. Sometimes one of us has to tell another to get going to take care of yourself and get yourself out of your hole you are in.

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LH19, job, Life Twists--wow...when I get the same message from three different supporters...(and I have gotten this message before)...it's probably because I need it. I have spent a lot of time over the past couple of weeks contemplating this...and am getting closer to pulling the trigger at moving out in January...with or without a signed agreement.