I saw a lot of the same crazy thinking in my h during the hardcore replay days. It was astounding to witness. I am sorry you are here.

I agree that it needs to be all about carving out sanity for yourself and this is not (at this time) about saving your marriage. If your actions scare her into ending it all with OM2 and "recommitting" to the marriage, then be 100% assured that it's all a front. She has years and years to go as right now she is only re-arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. Something within her is very, very broken and nothing can fix that but loads and loads of time and lots and lots of processing. But first she will be playing whack-a-mole replay style for a good, long while. Nothing is going to feel right for too long.

We teach people how to treat us. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself and your kids.

Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced