I agree with this. Every time I have pushed the R, things have gotten significantly worse. Every time I relax and work on the D/Sep, things calm down for her. Moreover, every time I try and force her to reconsider, I hurt myself.
When the H is focused on saving the MR, everything he does places emotional pressure on her. The end result is her pushing against him even more. She is working to prove to him that there is no chance of saving the M. That's why the W will often relax and even act more like herself when the H agrees to the D.....b/c she feels the emotional pressure lift.
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I have always been quick to defend, and get angry in defense of what were not meant as attacks, but openings of discussions about how she'd like to do things differently/better in the future.
You may also relate her to your mother, and immediately go into defense mode.
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MC has transitioned into DC / Co-Parenting discussions. This MC is the one we've seen 3 times before, and W met with her by herself a few months ago and decided to ask for a divorce while talking with it through with the MC. I was informed of this after the fact, I was not invited to the MC, or even told she was seeing the MC at the time.
Not good. This counselor is your W's counselor, not a MC or DC for the two of you.
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No. I never got physical. But I did get unreasonably mad, and I did need to leave, which she felt was unproductive and dangerous.
The incident made not have been reasonable cause for that level of anger, but there is a reason you get so angry. I hope you'll get professional help, so that you can be happier. Carrying around a keg of dynamite is not a healthy way to live. The root cause needs to be uncovered and tools to deal with it, b/c just trying to "control" your anger may not be enough.
How did things go with your parents during Christmastime?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
