So I finished reading the book and below are my NUTS so far. I am going to print them out and out them on my mirror in the bathroom. I also started reading Love Must be Tough as well which re-enforces some of the principals on this site. Reading the books has got me thinking.
I have went back and forth on the board and in mind on whether or not I would file for D. Truth is, I don't think I can do it but do I really need to take a hard look at this and accept that I am going to have to? Is that my reality?. I have always said that I would never get D'd that I couldn't break my family apart. NUTS talks about being that rock. Is the my destiny? Is that who I am? It certainly fits who I think I am.
Then I think about infidelity and am in denial? No man has shown up on the scene but am I stupid to think there is not 1 or just random sex has not occured? Do I continue to play little bo peep and keep my head in the sand? We are separated so does it matter? How does that work with being a Rock and get interwoven with her feeling loss and suffering consequences. Obviously she has experienced some consequences but so far none of shaken her. I know the mind is a powerful thing but do I make decisions based on assumptions of more than likely their being OM?
Do I view some of what has happened as small, successful baby steps? She hasn't filed yet. She has warmed up to me. I don't see the same anger in her eyes and I sense that respect is being gained. Tough love talks about 1 of 3 things happening when a LBS lets go of the WW. The first is that the WW longer feel it is necessary to fight off the LBH and their relationship improves. It's not that the love is back but the strain is eased. Could this be the first step of something more as the journe continues?
Tough Love also talks about not dying a slow death and making these types of decisions early on can really make or break your MR. I know it can happen but I would assume the longer this goes on the more comfortable people get and the harder it is to return.
I don't really think about this stuff night and day but reading the books has me asking questions. On a side note I did go to the gym this am and I am having some man time tonight with some friends
1. Exercise 5 days a week 2. Attend church weekly 3. Be present at home with the family putting technology away 4. Spend time with other men monthly 5. Only apologize when appropriate 6. Always do what is in the best interest of my children even if they disagree. 7. Patience over anger 8. Compassion for my family 9. Contact my two best friends every month 10. I will not sweat the small stuff 11. I will spend time daily reading 12. I will ask for what I want and not shy away from it. 13. I will express but not defend my feelings. 14. I will listen 15. I will not argue 16. I will do what it takes to keep my family together
