I hope you had a good holiday. Took a break from the boards a bit.
Since my IC appointment, something has shifted in me and I am coming out of the deep depression. I just couldn't stand listening to myself sound like a victim and having nothing but complaints. I began to realize I was very attached to the way things were. So I have been detached from any outcomes and have been really just trying to live in the moment and push away all negative thoughts. It's working to a point. I haven't actually cried in days, which is amazing for me. Especially around the holidays. Whenever my lonliness seeps in a feel myself spiral into the sadness of no partner and wanting things to be different, I thought stop and refocus. I kick those thoughts out of my head and busy myself with something else.
I have taken to looking at POF again. I realize many do want hook-ups even if they say they don't. That would normally just upset me and get me frustrated, but I realize it is what it is and I just move on. One guy seems decent, he hates getting hook-up requests (apparently, that's what women are out for too) and he wants a friendship that could turn into something more. I just got not internalize everything so much anymore. I am learning to not feel so frustrated or hopeless when things don't go the way I am trying to make them go.
As for the holiday, it was nice. D10 was happy with all her gifts, as was I. I cooked for my family on the eve, and went into NYC on Christmas. I also had a nice party with friends Friday night. D10 and I got her dad a t shirt, and she wanted to make this candy board thing she saw on you tube. So, D10 and I have been working on it and it came out quite well. Some of you may have seen our completed project on FB. I gave D10 to open the gift at her father's, not in front of me. That night he sends me a picture of the gift saying "freaking awesome. Best gift ever, I loved it" My ex criticizes rather than compliments, so I was very happy he was happy which means he had the best reaction for D10. Which means the world for her. She was upset that gifts that were from her to everyone were chosen by someone else and they were just putting her name on it. She was happy to do something she thought up.
Now I got work for 3 days and D10 is with her dad until Sunday. We are rarely apart this long, but it's good for her to have this time with her dad. I believe OWW is working so maybe they will have some one on one time.
I have also made some personal goals for myself to strive for. One of them being to get up early during the week so I don't try to rush to get out the door. Today, I got up extra early, drank a large glass of water, made some coffee, stretched, did push ups and crunches and began my day much more relaxed. I go to bed early anyways because I have nothing to do at night, so I can afford to get up bright and early.
And UR, you are right. I cannot set myself up for disappointment in this dating thing. I need to just go with it and whatever happens, happens. I need to take that approach so I don't become frustrated and disappointed.
One disappointing thing is that I didn't get a pug for Christmas. But people know me so well, I got nice pug stuff:)
